Been off the Meds and Im feeling Great
Thursday February 6th
So I wish I could show you my med chart because you would be so proud of me. I've been at baseline or feeling neutral for about a month without meds. Also I just finally tapered all the way off the Valium and I noticed about a week after each taper I just felt better. My anxiety dissipated except for just a few moments in time; but I feel like each person has a normal amount of stress in their lives and its just how you handle it.
One moment I had a little hard time working through was when my BFF that lives in another state, well she's like my sister...my family. Well her local BFF had did some drugs with her boss and fried her brain. Now I knew her because every time Ive been to visit my BFF we hung with her. Anyway she ended up with two brain bleeds and multiple mini strokes. They were talking long term care telling her family she'd never be the same. Now this young lady is only 27 guys and she has a daughter thats 8. It really kind of well i wont say wrecked but I will say it affected me to the point my daughter even asked if I was ok. But after a week she pulled through. Thank God.
I also noticed a couple weeks ago my boss came up behind me and slammed his hand down on the desk. It wasnt in a mean spirited way, he was just saying something and that added to the effect and because I didnt see him do it, i had a small anxiety attack. But I was able to walk through it within a few moments by telling myself its ok. calm down.
Then yesterday my fridge went out and I had to rush buy another and it caused some stress or pressure but when I got home and saw it I was really happy to have it. I didnt have all the cash so I had to steal the money from my daughters recital fees to cover it but you have to have a fridge. Besides my boss gave me a bonus and that will cover the fees. And I put the remaining on my credit card.
So no matter what doctor wants to put a name to it...Bi-polar or just Am's. I feel like my stress, my worry is just a part of me. I'd rather train myself to be ok with these life events rather than be on meds. I was laying in bed last night thinking and I dont have a local BFF. I have friends, some good friends here but since I left home and its been 10 years I just havnt found love nor my very own BFF. And that got me to thinking that I havnt completely let go of my past. I spent crazy money taking trips to see my friends all over to keep them in my life and you know I cant do that anymore.
Im no longer in the financial position to do that first off and second I need to build the rest of my life here. Im here. i need to allow myself to be very open to making that connection here. So as Im still allowing the meds to release from my body and am working seriously on how I allow myself to be affected by life and how I am going to deal with it I am also going to allow myself to be more open, engaging. Because I know I feel way better today than I did last month.