Friday. Weekend starts. Work starts.

I dont know how I'll manage at work when this past two weeks I've slept so little. 2-3½ hours of sleep every night. Before it hasnt been so hard to be awake at the day but today and yesterday was pure pain. My eyes were drooping and I was feeling nauseos and dizzy. This is getting worser every day.

Do you sometimes wish that you have no one? Just so you could lash out on yourself? To hurt yourself the way you deserve fit for you? To finally die? To end your pain for eternal darkness? No? ...oh.. well it has crossed my mind sometimes. I mean think about it, if you had  no one you could do how you please to yourself? ..too cruel, huh? No, but I seriously have thought that. I could finally die, not to care who I'd hurt if I'd do it. The only reason I havent done it again is Ray. He will be heartbroken, I can see it. He is my half brother because of my asshole of a father got someone prego, Ray is my other half. He defends me, makes me smile, giggle and laugh. I can be myself, I can cry the ugliest cry ever and he'd still be there. He is my rock as I am his. We're inseparable, well till I give up.. He is the brain while I'm the humor. He always knows what to do. I love him.

The friend I talked about before, remember him? Yeah? Good. He's awesome. He carries himself with grace and confidence. No matter what he has gone through, he'll stand tall and be himself. But like everyone else, he has a soft spot - his breaking point, I saw that. He was a warrior with determination, confidence and he has a kind, warm heart that makes me want to cry out but after all, he too is a human. He crumbled down to his knees and let me in, he let me see his weak side. A side no one saw before, I was gobsmacked. He showed it to a girl he had known for a week or two and not to someone he'd known longer. But I was there to him like he was there to me. I helped him to get back up and I felt good about myself. I had helped someone who I had just met. I helped him. I felt good to help. Woah.

This is all this time,

I'm still breathing.

Addy xoxo