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June 3rd, 2011

June 3rd, 2011

I have too many problems to talk about them all in one blog, so I'll simply talk about the problems I'm having today.

I am in love with my ex boyfriend, but he doesn't want me back. I miss being with him so much that I've been popping pills so I can talk to him and deal with the pain it causes me. Everytime he texts me I just wanna tell him how much I love him, but I know that wouldn't be fair. He loves me too, but it hurts him to say it. I have a boyfriend, but I don't think he cares about me much anymore. Our relationship is slipping and I'm so terrfifed of being alone that I just can't end it. I need to be with someone, and since I can't be with who i want, I have no problem settling.


My depression is getting much worse. All I can think about is dying. Why live when I can't be happy? When I can't have what I want? I cry everytime I talk to him at night or anytime he accidently mentions his feelings for me. I want him to take me back so badly that not having him makes me want to die.


I haven't been taking my pills for schizophrenia for the past two months. I have a migraine every night from seeing so many things. I constantly hear my other personalities in my head and see things that aren't there. No wonder he doesn't want me.


I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to live a life without him.



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