I haven't ever blogged before and it's something I want to do.  I need to learn to express myself.  I need to have an optimistic and caring inner dialogue and conversations with myself.  I need to have a constant stream of conscius conversations with myself in my head instead of having this blank, anxious and terrrified blankness in my mind.

Yesterday my parents were insane and irrational again.  It's clear to me now that I am not The One at fault for how my life (or theirs if it comes to that) played out so far.   Much of it is a result of my parents insanity and abusive behaviours.  My biggest regret is in believing and trusting them at all.  Instead I need to learn about and belief within me.    It is in my parents that evil resides and not in me as I was taught.

I found it a challenge to drift off to sleep last night.  I ended up having a cry and trying to sleep before returning to the computer.  I vented a little with Angie which helped me relax enough to drift off to sleep.  I finally woke about 930 am.  It's now 1130 am and I haven't done anything practical yet.  I just had my meds and breakfast, checked Facebook and emails, chatted in the anxiety room and found this blog space to practice in.

The cinemas in the town south of me is having a $1 session entry fee today so I shall go down there the afternoon and evening to see if I can get into watch some movies.  It is too hot to garden or do house etc.  It will be good to do something different and of the self care type of activity.

On a positive note I finally managed to create the trifold flyer for the local community group.  I must say it turned out magnificently.  I shall do some others too on different topics.  I like the creativity and mental gymnastics of creating newsletters and pamphlets.

Anway thats enough for now it's midday already and I need to get active.  Time goes way too fast.

I never seem to achieve much, the time goes too fast.  Today I woke up about 9am and lay in till about 10am before getting up.  So far I have had breakky, gone to Spotlight (didn't purchase anything) and went to the community garden.  I got a massive haul of fresh vegetables to eat and store.  I have a magnificent photo to share here but I can't upload it from my computer.  I shan't really need to cook at all as everything can be eaten raw.  Just munching on green beans and carrots that I just got from the community garden.  Very yummy indeed.

Mum n dads anniversary today, they are going out for dinner.  I might go over for dinner tomorrow night, defintely going over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I shall probably sleep over.  Should I take Benson, my cat pal with me?  I don't know yet.  Benson won't be any problem but my parents will be.

Ok I have run out of steam already, its 330pm.  I have to figure out what to do with the vegetables.