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I need a break.  I am taking a short break from chat right now.  Now i just need a break from life.  I am so sick of living right now.  Ugh.  I was out of my mood stabilizer for a week and i was and still am a complete wreck.  I am just about out of my anti-anxiety med too cause my psychiatrist didnt fill it, so i have to wait for him to fill it.  I dont know if I can handle that.  This is painful.  I am taking a break from chat too cause I just need some time to myself....I am about to give up on life right now.  I am at the end of my rope.  I really need to take a break from EVERYTHING.  I dont know what else to do.  Someone help me figure this out.  What is there to life?  What is the point?  The only reason I'm still here is for my nephews and niece.  I dont think i can do this anymore :(


I am so sick of my life right now.  I cannot get over a flashback that happened 3 days ago.  I had to watch a video for school about sexual assault and that triggered me so much.  I can't take anymore.  I'm so stressed about school and doing good in it.  I need to do good.  I need to get a good GPA.  I am so hard on myself, but I can't help it.  I need to set goals for myself, even if they are not attainable.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I just feel like giving up because there isn't much more I can take.  I haven't slept good in a while.  I also am dealing with medical issues.  I've been really dizzy and passing out lately.  I had to do a balance test and 2 others.  That took 2 hours long.  I have another test coming up on Wednesday.  I will not get my results back until next thursday the 31st.  I don't know if I can wait that long.  The doctor thinks that it has something to do with my sensory stuff in my brain, so I can't really stop thinking that it's something bad.  I just can't deal with anything else.


Well, my Christmas was interesting to say the least.  I had a rough time at my aunt and uncles, but I had a OK time at my boyfriends family.  I was a bit awkward, but it was alright I guess.  I got a lot of presents from them, which was really nice.  I love hello kitty (i know, im 21 and i like hello kitty) but I got a lot of hello kitty stuff.  I've been in bed since 5ish Christmas day cause I am really dizzy and nauesous.  I was in the ER for 14 hours in 2 days to try and figure out what is wrong, all they tell me is vertigo.  I just hope it gets better.  I am exhausted right now.  It's about midnight and i've been up since 6am.  I just though I would update my blog.  I hope everyone had  a Merry Christmas!!!

my life sucks

Well a while ago my body started to twitch and I've been having bad hand tremors.  I waited to see if they would go away, but they were just getting worse.  I finally called my doctor and she called me back saying she wanted to see me right away.  So I left school and drove to the doctors office.  She diagnosed me with Serotonin Syndrome.  It's where you have too much serotonin in your brain and it could be deadly.  So I had to stop 2 of my meds completely because them paired together is deadly.  She thinks we caught it in time, but I am still having tremors and twitching.  I see her again on Monday for a follow up.  I emailed her and she might put me on a different med.  Also on October 25, one of my friends died of cancer.  I just visited her on Sunday.  I can't believe she is gone.  She was like a 2nd mom to me.  I am heart broken.  I am thinking maybe I should start up those meds again to end my pain.  I can't take this anymore :(  my life truely sucks.  I can't do anything right.  Ugh

Why do I try?

Every time I ask for help, I get ignored.  I can't live like this anymore.  I need someone  to talk to more than once a week.  I don't just want to see my therapist, that's only 1 hour a day 1 day a week.  I need a 'friend' or something.  Every where I turn, I'm ignored.  I can't take this anymore.  I am going crazy.  I haven't been this low in a while.  :'(  this is dumb.  i shouldnt have to have a blog to just write my feelings down.  This works sometimes, but i need more right now.  My family doesnt support me and i dont really have any friends.  This is getting ridiculous.  I'm sorry im venting, but this is the only place for me to take it out on.  I shouldnt be so down.  I just saw my nephews today.  They always make me happy.  I am happy around them all the time, but when I have to leave I just get sad again.  I dont know what to do anymore.

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