My Life

I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching lately. There are two people somewhat in my life who do not like me. One of them does not like me simply because I exist. The other does not because I don't allow her to bully me as she does so many others.

It made me think... is it me? I have been happy with the person that I have become in the last four years, but these people treating me like I was less than human made me really stop, think, and take stock in the woman that I am.

The first one, Christ... she doesn't even know me.  She has decided that I am, in fact, the devil, and has proceeded to take every opportunity to make me look bad, ignore me, and be BLATENTLY and RUDELY obvious in her distaste for me. Screw her. She has hurt my feelings for the last time. She has taken up even a fraction of my thinking for the last time. I'M FUCKING DONE WITH HER. About two years ago I committed a very very MINOR infraction upon her, and she has taken that and decided that I was no good-even after I not only apologized to the bitch, but tried to make amends as well, as we have a mutual friend whom I did not wish to put in the middle of this nonsense.  Now? She can rot as far as I'm concerned.

R -O -T in her own self-inflicted misery.

The other one is that bitchy co-worker of mine. I have learned that she is extremely judgemental about everyone. If you do not do things the way she advises you or thinks you should, she's just plain mean. I do things my own way, thank you. I take advice, process it, and make my own decisions. NOT HERS.  Let me tell you... this bitch knows if someone moved a danm pen on her desk and wants to know who it was! The girl is just viscious. I've talked to others in the office about it, and it seems to be the general consensus. I even hear the way she talks to her clients. Wow. She expects respect but rarely gives it in return. I'm done with her too. I will work with her and be cordial, but nothing else. I had to invite her to the wedding because she is in my unit, but honestly? I'd rather she didn't even show up.

These two women are obviously either unhappy with their lives or just hateful people. I'm not really sure which. I have felt sympathy for both of them in the past, but now? I just don't care at all anymore. You can only be stepped on so many times before you lose your ability to give a shit. I now officially DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.

So the point? Although I have plenty of faults and things about myself that I would change, and will continue working to change throughout my whole life, I still like who I am. Yes, I am inpatient. Yes, I am blunt. Yes, my sense of humor can be warped sometimes. Yes, I talk too much. Yes, I have a BIIIIIIIIG mouth sometimes. Yes, I make mistakes. Yes, I get frustrated with my family and our dog. Yes, sometimes I say the wrong things at the wrong time. But... I also know that I am human. And that is what being human is.

I have spent the last few days really hating myself and wondering how I can change myself. I'm done with that. As I stated, I will always try to alter the behaviors that I recognize as liabilities, but I will still love the ones that I see as assets. Besides... there's only two people who openly don't like me, and lots more that do! Especially Mr H... he really loves me as deeply and passionately as I love him. He's always on my side. He always shows me how much he loves me.  It's such a wonderful feeling after years of emotional abuse and lonliness. I will love him for the rest of our lives together...and there will be plenty!

Life... love... children... friendship... and phenominal sex!!! The future for Mr and Mrs H.  :D