My name is Ananya. I was seven years old when all this started. I can still remember the first day it happened. My Uncle Jeff had always been very helpful to my parents, always offering to watch me while they were at work. Always offering to take me places like the zoo, the aquarium, a wildlife safari where I could pet a girraffe, all sorts of neat places. All of the trips had one thing in common, I was always alone with my uncle, bonding to him, associating him with a person who I could trust to always protect me. One day, my uncle called and asked if I wanted to go with him to seaworld and spend the night with him. I was so excited, being seven years old, everything seemed so huge and loud and exciting. Uncle Jeff paid for me to be able to swim with the dolphins, that was incredible. Although now I can see that it was his way of buttering me up to allow what was to come. After seaworld we went out to get something to eat, my choice. I don't remember what we had but it must have been good because I ate everybit of it.  When we got to uncle Jeff's house, he put on a movie which I now know to be soft porn. He said, "This is one of uncle Jeff's favorites." I agreed to watch it with him since he had done everything for me earlier that same day. Halfway through the movie he started rubbing through his pants. I pretended I didn't notice. He looked over at me and stroked my cheek, still rubbingo on his pants. He had me come sit on his lap, I did so, obediantly. My pajamas were a nighty and underwear.  He held on my hips and asked me if I wanted to pretend I was on a pony ride. I love horses, so I said, "YES". He started to bounce me up and down. Each time he did I remember feeling something hard slam between my legs. I told him that it kinda hurt and he said he could fix that. He stood me up, undid his pants and pulled them off. I ran away. I hid under my bed. I was terrified, I wanted to go home to my mommy. But I couldn't reach the telephone. He followed me into the room and pulled me by my feet from under the bed. The next thing I knew, one of his hands was over my mouth, and the other had ripped my pajamas off, underwear and all. I was pinned on my bed, screaming at him saying I didn't want to play this game. He told me that this is what young ladies do with men they love. "Do you love me Ananya?" He asked me. I shook my little head yes and stopped screaming. He pulled himself ontop of me and slowly raped me. I remember telling him that it hurt, that I felt too full. He told me he loved me and that he would make it stop before he was done. I just laid there, I laid there looking toward the door, I wondered if my mommy knew that he would do this. When he was all done, he sat me up, gave me a big hug and told me that it wouldn't ever hurt again when we did that. I remember asking him if I had to do it again. He said until I cant love him anymore.  Before he brought me home that night, he made me do it twice more. By the third time, i'm horrified to say, he turned me into a little porn star. He had me doing the work. Actually laying on his back and letting me "Ride the pony". He robbed me of my innocent soul. When he brought me home, he told me "Ananya, this is our little game okay, if your mommy and daddy found out, I couldn't see you for a long time, we don't want that do we? Because you love me right?" I promised him i wouldn't tell, and gave him a kiss before we walked in the door. I hugged my mommy and daddy. Told them I had a great time. I told them everything except what happened at Uncle Jeff's. Uncle Jeff gave me a wink and told them he had to turn in a little early, that I had tired him out. My uncle had sex with me, once a week until i was 13 years old. That's six long years of this sexual abuse. Shortly after I turned 13 I got my period. My uncle Jeff called up and wanted to take me to a movie, my mom told him I couldn't go because I had some womanly problems I needed to take care of. He asked to talk to me, my mom let me talk and Uncle Jeff told me that we would no longer be able to love on each other. I was so relieved. Finally I was free of my uncle and his games. I hated that he didn't want to spend much time with me after that. But of course I was fairly naive, I didn't correlate that he only loved me for sex, and when I couldn't give that to him, he was done. So now this brings us to present, I am now 21 years old, pulling in six figures a year, and own my own house and car. I have horses, and some cats. My parents have passed away, as have my grandparents. Almost three months ago, my uncle Jeff, whom I haven't talked to in nearly 5 years, showed up at my doorstep. He shoved his way inside, chaced me through my house, and before I could get back to my cell phone, tackled me, and pinned me to the ground like he did when I was seven.  It's been 2 months and 3weeks..I am now 11 weeks pregnant with his child. I was afraid when I found out last week. Afraid of what people would say, afraid tell anyone who's baby it was. Everyone who knows me, knows I do not sleep around. I have had sex with one person in my entire existance ...my Uncle Jeff. Recently I spoke with a person on this site's chat room, I don't know their name, but their display name was "Bla" to whomever you are, thank you. It's because of this person, I was able to work up the courage to go to police last week, and tell them everything. Everything that happened to me. Everything about this child I am currently carrying. Now I may get shunned for this, but before any of you say anything cruel to me, let me say this. You do not know me, you do not know my entire story, you do not know anything about me except the fact that my Uncle has raped me over 315 times, and that this final time he raped me, I became pregnant with his child. Now to finish my little spill. I am an antiabortion activist, I firmly believe that every child, even a product of rape, has a purpose. I am taking steps with my doctors to ensure that my child will have no illnesses, defects, or any other little problems. I will raise it to be a strong person, with high self confidence, boy or girl, they will be more loved than any person who has ever walked this planet. They will be an upstanding citizen and a decent childhood. My child will understand that they are mine and I will protect and love them no matter what.  My child will be mine, and as far as Jeff is concerned, he doesn't need to know my baby exists. I am in the process of getting him thrown in jail for a long time.  Unless this baby has any want to know him, I will never allow Jeff within any measurable amount of distance of my child. Jeff has been taken into custody by the local authorities, and is not allowed to speak or look at me.  Any way, I told "Bla" that I would write this blog to give them an update on the situation. You may not agree with my decision, but that's just it, it was my decision, it's the best I can do with the situation I've been handed.

To anyone who's been through this, rape of any kind, they do not love you, they do not want you, you are strong enough to do this on your own, whether you have become pregnant or not, report it to the authorities. Get some help, and talk to someone about it... It's the best advice I've ever gotten.

God Bless,

Ananya