A NEW LIFE, A NEW WORLD

Tired.  No energy. Week.  Migraines. Dispair. Lost.  Physically Sick.  This is how I feel 6 out of 7 days.  Noone will ever be able to get me out of this.  Medications help, but I need to do this for myself.  I need to fight the feeling of despair deep inside me.  A friend asked me to do what makesme happy.  Problem that I have been having is that I am not sure what makes me happy.  I have never learned who I was/am.  I went from being a daughter/sister to a wife and then a mother.  Now I am all those plus a student, a substitute, a friend.  Who am I?  Hope to find the answer soon.

While on the chat room I started feeling better about myself until I got off and started telling my husband what I was doing.  He turned from me with a look that meant that this is a rediculous thing to do.  He dows not understand what I am going through and makes me feel like I should be able to snap out of it.  I know that if you have never experienced it you will never understand, but why doesn't he at least try by being patient and understanding.  Courtious and loving.  I am currently doing the Love Dare Challenge in the hopes to save y marriage but it is hard when my depression goes on overdrive.

Reality always seems to hit when I am feeling better.  Had to pay the mortgage and now we are going to be very limited until next wednesday.  What a summer for the kids and my emotions.

Normally rain storms leave me uneasy and full of anxiety.  I have problems breathing and esplaining to all what is going on and why, but not today.  Today's rain was soft and unthreatening.  It came down through a ray of sunshine eeping me cool and calm.  i am happy to report that I enjoyed watching the rain fall.

Whenever I go to the dentist I tend to get anxiety attacks, but not this time.  I am proud to say that I went through this appointment without any medication or losing it.  I have to say that this was a productive day.