Many years ago, (before John) I dated a man for a while, the relationship was rather carefree, we were young, went to parties, got drunk and stoned together. He was three years younger than me, charming and mischievous, but also totally unreliable, the kind that agrees to meet one day, and never turns up untill three month later, and expects things to pick up where they were left, as if he had only been gone for a day! my friends kept telling me he was no good,but back then, I fell under his spell, I know it sounds a cliche, but, it was a typical case of a kind of sensible girl attracted by the "bad boy"  type. Isoon became hopelessly infatuated,I found it romantic when he called me in the middle of the night, to tell me to catch the first train to london in the morning, so we can have a great day out, but the fell asleep and forgot all about it! The last days we spent together will remain unforgettable, he turned up on my doorstep unexpected, and persuaded me to call in sick at work the next day, as he had plans for us.We spent the next three days skyving, smoked joints on the beach, went to the rides on the fairground , came back to my place , ordered a massive take away, drank champagne, and then has the most amazing time in bed.The next day, he had to go, he say he'd call soon, and never did, he stopped returning my calls, he kind of disapeared , I was a bit bitter , but not too surprised, it was typical of him after all. Soon after,I met John( that is another story) and moved on. However, even though I had no intention whatsoever to try getting him back, he kept appearing in my   dreams, at  times of turmoil and confusion, and in those dreams, we walked, and walked endlessly, in changing landscapes, and he spoke to me , some words of wisdom, giving me advice on how to live my life. 

Life carried on, year after year, went throug ups and downs, I moved and settled in this town, Ihad no idea he still lived there, and I was not bothered weather he did or not.Still,the first time I bumped into him in the the tow center, in a cafe, five minutes away from my flat, it was a bit of a shock , he had not noticed me on that occasion.There were to be many more occasions, many more opportunities within the next few years, sometimes, I knew he could not have seen me, sometimes, I was not sure, sometimes, if I was looking a mess, I would hurry up and walk on by, so he would not see me like that.

Anyway, it became clear that we lived in the  same neighbourhood, as we kept meeting, but we never spoke once. I had no hard feelings, held no grudge , if he had waved at me to come over, I happily would have obliged, but, he did not, wether he was deliberately blanking me out or not, it was his problem, I had other things to worry about!

The last encounter , a few days ago, could have been like any other, on my way to the shops, I saw him, sitting in that cafe, as usual, he probably works nearby and must be on his tea break. I 'm so used to seing him so often, it hardly registered, and I turned round the corner, heading towards the library, admiring shop windows and enjoying the last sunshine of the season.The next minute, I heard somebody calling my name, I turned round, and here he was! He seemed extremely surprised to see me, even more surprised to find out I 've been living in this town for so many years( I 'm not sure I can believe him) He suggested we meet for  drink, and wanted to exchange phone numbers, To my horror, I realised my phone was at home, next to the ironing board( I'm no good with numbers, I can't remember it) My heart sank , and even more so when he said he was not on Facebook! fortunately, I had a pen, and wrote down his number, we chatted o the pavement for about five minutes before going our separate ways.

For some reason, the whole episode seemed so unreal that it did not actually sink in as a reality, and I spent the rest of the day as planned, cooll headed. It is a very bad timing for us to pick up our friendship, and I can not help thinking that, he probably did notice me before, and was not bothered,and the only reason he approached me, is to ask for a favour, but maybe I am a bit cynical....who knows....I resolved to phone him next week, and meet up for a casual drink, out of curiosity, In wowed not to get too close, not too involved. He might be charming , he might be a good laugh, but, He is still unreliable and manipulative .

That was three days ago, and the reality downed on me, we spoke, he wants us to meet, after ten years, and , over the weekend,I found myself, remembering fondly all the mischief we were up to, ten years ago, and suddenly, I can not wait to see him again, the only thing that is stopping me from calling him right now, is........My hoarding habbit.....the mess......

AS    USUAL  THE    HOARDING   DISORDER  GETS   IN    THE   WAY OF   EVERYTHING...........