Where's the way out?.....are we there yet ?

Having gone through a rough time the past few years, alone and battling depression and anxiety, my social life has suffered a lot, and the last four years were spent with very little company. The way I interact with people has been affected by this enforced loneliness, I feel more sensitive, more receptive to others's friendliness. I often tend to regard as friends people who are in fact just acquaintances, just because they appear warm, chatty and welcoming,I can be rather bubbly myself, when I am in a good phase and and manage to escape agoraphobic confinement.So I blabber away, non stop, about everything and nothing, about the town, about the weather, about life, about pets, about cooking....etc.....etc...... everwhwere I go, at the greengrocer's, at the hairdresser's, the department store, the butcher's.......

And one day, I came across somebody as chatty as I am, he owns a shop, a newsagents, as I paid for my newspaper or pint of milk,I often stood there talking for about sometimes nearly 20mns," always nice to see you," he says...."see you soon"    I reply . Then recently, in the midst of of the winter blues, I realised that his shop was always the first stop when I managed to drag myself outside, and I started to enjoy our conversations more and more.  The next thing I knew, I was starting, making excuses to return there, " forgetting" some small items I had to buy, some pencils, can always be usefull, a bottle of orange squash, some stamps..... it go to the point when I go there nearly every day, and I mke sure I wera a bit of make up  and perfume....and believe it or not, he seems to respond rather well(he added a few freebies to my basket the other day!) so it encourages me to come back. I know what is happening, I am starting to like on him, he is not specially young and good looking, but then, I 'm not a spring chicken or a top model either......Then, the peractical and cynical part of me tells me that I 'm losing my mind, I'm being delusional again, of course he would be nice to me, that is his job, that is all there is to it....why do I have to imagine that he like me?......then again.....why not?.....this is getting silly....what I really like, I think, is the idea of being appreciated, because it helps rebuild my shattered self esteem, of couse that 's what it is, nothing more.......

............................and also perhaps the need for a hug or a cup of tea................