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Hi Everybody! it has been a long time since I did not publish a proper post on this site, the reason is, I was away, away abroad in my parent's house for three weeks. Three weeks of being nurtured and looked after, three weeks of, eating,drinking , shopping, warching tv with Mum and Dad, on the sofa in the evenings, savouring chocolate biscuits and a cup of tea,the old( 16 years ) cat purring on my lap.
Unfortunately, the cat was not the only one purring, my phone did as well, on several occasions, I had taken care to cancel the ringtone, so that only the vibrating alert remained, no one at home took any notice but myself, the evil purring noise, coming from my handbag next to the armchair, as we were watching the movie, that familiar vibration in my pocket,occuring during a shopping session with my Mother at the supermarket. Panic promptly followed, who could it be? what did they want? But I remained calm and composed on the outside, sick with worry inside, but still able to chat with my Mum , barely appearing distracted, I 'm getting so good at concealing my anxiety problem, no one could ever tell. Then, came the time to reach for the handbag, in search of a lipstick or hairbrush, carefully avoiding the vibrating item, but eventually confronted with the sight of the flashing sign on the screen , reminding me I had a message.
My Mother and I , sitting on a bench outside, having coffee and pudding, " Isn't it a lovely day Dear" She said I Quietly nodded in approval, my mind already flooded by a wave of worst case scenarios, My home destroyed by a fire.... a close friend coming to harm.....my boss telling me I had made a mistake and I was not actually on vacation untill next week....the police or the social services coming to confront me with the messy home and unopened mail.......
The handbag laid in a heap, on a chair, and purred and growled at regular intervals, like an evil animal, but I never anwsered it's plea to be dealt with, and eventually, it died, the battery ran out, and I made no effort to revive it, it stayed out of sight for the entire duration of my last week of vacation.
Appart from that, it was absolutely wonderful, even though we used to fight so much when I was a teenager, I now get on brillantly with my parents, I try to replicate my Dad's strengh of character, and I have plenty of hobbies in common with My Mum( Cooking, painting, knitting ...etc , anything creative really).
I also celebrated my birthday, trying to tell myself it was a milestone, the opportunity to make a fresh start and make this year more positive than the previous one.....but the again, I say that every year....
It was hard to leave, even though I know I have another holiday in september , I was dragging my feet and my suitcase, all the way to the train station. It started to rain heavily as I boarded the train, I tried to relax during the journey, but as I stepped out on the Platform, I had butterflies in my stomach, and heart palpitations, the nearer I got from home, the worst I got, I had a lump in my throat and felt like I was going to burst into tears. I walked into Holland & Barret's to purchase some Bach Flower Remedy, and walked slowly towards my building,stopping at regular intervals, pretenting to be busy looking at a shop window, so I could suck greedily on the tiny little bottle. I don't know if it was the Bach Flower Remedy or just plain common sense, but I eventually made it into the flat, it has not been destroyed or invaded in any way, the pile of mail is growing again, I stepped past it avoiding my gaze, walked in, made a cup of coffee, and thoutgh............
What now?.....What next, I felt like a princess for three weeks ....no where's my happy ending?
