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| « Heat and adrenaline | And then,there was light » |
Here I am, back home since early morning, had an extremely busy and demanding week at work, whwere I laid in my cabin, after each shift, exhausted and wishing to flee on a desert island , for seven days, twelve hours each day, I faced thousands of passengers, marching towards me all at once, all asking that I solve for them an issue or another, lost property, ticket and billing inquiries, assistance for the diasabled......colleagues needing to order new uniforms, officers requesting stationary.
I crawled indoors this morning, half relieved, half shocked to be now left to my own devices for a week, one glance at the post, one envelppe marked "important message" was all it took to turn me into a shivering wreck, I did not read the name, so; god knows if it is adressed to me or not, feel physically ill at the thought of it, shivers down my back, mouth going dry, then filling up with water, queasy stomach, palpitations.
I switched on the computer, but my eyes were so tired they could not focus, even thoiug I did not do the night shift this time, the need to lay down was overhelming, after a ten minutes battle with the drowsy feeling, I gave in and slipped under the covers for a short power nap during which I woke up startled, with a sinking feeling, a feeling of death , of no return, of pure dread. I got up, made some coffee, and started writing this post.
I need to get a gripp on my life, but it is as though I was watching myself helplessly falling down deeper and deeper , like a spectator watching a horror film.
As I 'm writing these words, I feel the familiar lump in my throat, but the tears will not follow, I feel sick in my stomach, but I won't throw up,I might be shivering, but I don't need a jumper .
Cold Sweats are a symptom of Red Hot Fear.......
