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beginning with the end in mind

So, I saw my eye doctor today for the eye strain I was having lately. She blamed it on some cornea defect I was diagnosed with last year. Turns out my vision will deteriorate overtime etc etc. This only tops the high blood pressure I found out about last month, which surprisingly is higher than my dad's who is an alcoholic.Pretty sure it has something to do with my meds. All this has my thinking horses running. I left my job about 15 months ago when I thought I couldnt go on any longer with my health issues. Just before now I was starting to feel I could sneak back to the real world.Its like banging your head against the wall each time. I came across the missing piece while watching spirituality show today(Awakening BKS).It says you can attempt to change/work upon your future only when you have ACCEPTANCE for the present.By acceptance she meant not creating any negative thoughts wrt your situation.Sulking/fretting only depletes your life energy. You can't expect to increase it then. This makes me realize I am trying to move ahead without fixing my real problem, which would be denial of my fate.So, I will try to bargain a life keeping in mind the inevitable end. Soothes me for the time being Howsoever poised I may be, I know its gonna come,and in possible a miserable way (just like that of Gus).Atleast he had somebody to live for. I hope I don't.

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