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First Post

I can honestly say that this is my very VERY first blog. Other then hompages for Chats like IMVU (But they don't really count do they?)...Anyway I guess I should start by saying My name is Ari (and yes it is short for something but im not saying) I'm Seventeen and I live in Australia.

As for why I'm on this peticular website for blogs etc...Well that is a little more difficult to explain...you see when I was 13 a child pshycologist said that I had childhood anxiety and a form a depression. My step dad wanted me to go on anti-depresents but the Dr. said no...thank god. The depression was a result of my parents divorce, an absent mother (she had a high paying career in hospitality so she was rarely home) and an emotionally and sometimes abuse step father. they got divorced when I was 10, which did make it hard on me and my little sister (half sister but hey she is still my lil sis). The arguements between my parents still haunt me in dream now...they were never physically violent with eachother(At least they tried not to be around my sister and me, but I still remember when Mum and him punched holes in the wall to stop themselves from hitting eachother)Anyway moving on...The divorce did take a while to go through because they did want to give it another try. During all this though My fifth grade teacher recomended I see the school counseller which I did, also my mum got me to start seeing the Phsycologist. (Mind you, speaking about my feelings is not one of my strong points so it was difficult). When my parents realised that it wasn't going to work out (Mainly because both of them had already moved on) thats when it pretty much all ended.

By the time I was 12 my mum had already moved closer to where she worked (She worked about an hour from where we were living at the time) She came down as often as she could (My step dad kept an extra bedroom for her when she did come down to see us) which was ok...but as anychild would I just wanted my family back.The real turning point that caused my depression to burst, And unfourtunatly I can still remember it in full detail...which I really hate. in 2007 My mother tried to commit suicide, pretty much in front of my eyes. She tried to overdose on antihistemines and a certain painkiller called Mersondol (with alot of codine) and she had a few bottles of beer too. which made things worse...and what sparked this? My stepdad called and asked her if it was ok for him to bring his girlfriend over because they were going to a rave the next day. It sparked her off and I felt helpless...thankfully my sister was asleep through all this. My step dad came home not long after that call(Without his gf) and went straight into the bedroom. Because it was the holidays before school started my sister and I were aloud to sleep in the lounge room. I remember how mum knelt down besides the couch, her speach was slurring and I could barely hear what she said...she put her head down on the couch and after a few minutes her breathing went all strange, almost as if she was gasping. I remember I tryed to lay her on the floor with a cushion support, but her breathing was still strange...I ran into my step dads room and told him what was going on "Don't worry, just go to bed" thats all he said, I insinted something was wrong and he finally got up and went to check, telling me to stay in the bedroom.After that...All I remember was me hiding in the office under the desk while she was shouting and finally the abulance coming.

The next day of course My step dad dropped my sister and myself off at our great aunts while he went off with his gf to the rave...(Which pissed my great aunt off because he wasn't there). I only found out a few days later that mum did die for a few moments before finally coming back. Great isnt it?. It wasn't long after that about...a few weeks after that I had my very first day of highschool, I've always struggled to be social because im shy (Drama classes did help a little but it never changed the fact I am uncomfortable around people in general) though I was lucky that a few of my friends from primary school were also going to the same highschool. I missed most of the first term because I would have an anxiety attack everytime we got to the gate of the school (My aunt dropped off my sis and I because our parents were working). So the days I did attend became difficult, though I did make new friends. My step dad thought it was because I just didn't want to go to school so he stopped dropping me off at my aunts and made me catch the bus, that didn't help at all, I spent most days after that in the sickbay because I could not handle certain days, I didn't get good grades. I'm just lucky the ladies in the office knew of my attacks and were very helpful in encouraging me or just allowing me to study in the office. Home life didn't improve at all though, mum didn't come down as much as she use to, so we got to see her less often. She had moved in with her Boyfriend(he had three kids one son that was a year older then me, a son that was a year younger then me and a daughter who was two years younger)

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