... a depression and anxiety blog and chat room community.

Bookmark and Share

I've spent my whole life learning to deal with depression. Now I want to share a few of the things I have found to work for me.

Making Rocks

03/17/13 | by baby steps [mail] | Categories: baby_steps

I haven't written anything lately because I have been busy making rocks. So I have been thinking about rocks. Rocks are interesting, whether it is a large boulder, a small stone, or a giant monolith.

There is an old adage about a person having rocks in their head; it's not true. Even a person who is "hard headed" has a soft head compared to a rock. I live in the area of the Rocky Mountains so I have spent some time climbing and hiking among rocks. I can say from experience that we should not try and break rocks with our head. Even the sofer rocks are much harder that your head.

It's true; a rock will withstand much more pressure than our head before breaking. But about all a rock can do is sit where it is, unless acted upon by an outside force. Our heads, on the other hand, can imagine and plan and strategize. We can create plans and then act upon those plans. And then we can evaluate that action and make new plans. And then we can take new action based on those new plans!

In short we can do something, even if it is only a little something. And then we can do something again and move farther along our desired course. Isn't it great not to be a rock? You can act. Don't be a rock!

Positive Reinforcement

03/07/13 | by baby steps [mail] | Categories: baby_steps

When a baby fiirst stands up everyone around them is thrilled. There is lots of approval. Everyone encourages him to try again. When they fall down there is no blame--no stimga attached. And since the baby hasn't learned what is "right" or "appropriate" they feel no shame for falling so the idea to try again doesn't bear any risk (besides a slight, cushioned bump on the rear). Let me repeat that: There is no risk to trying, and possibly failing.

However, by the time we grow up we have imprinted upon ourselves, and had others who were significant imprint upon us a major negative, guilt impression for failing. We have often been taught by those who should have had our best interests at heart that it is a shame to make a mistake. Of course they often do that in an attempt to help us to improve because they "care". Sometimes that fact makes us feel even more ashamed that we didn't do whatever it was correctly the first time. Often in their correction process they compare us to someone else who succeeded and ask, "Why cant you be like ___?" We will talk more about this deadly tendency to compare ourselves with others later; but, right now lets just focus on the guilt part.

When someone says, "Why can't you be more like _____?" our subconscious mind often hears, "You can't be more like___; but you should be." It accepts from that significant person in our life, "You can't do it." and sadly, it believes that, and then goes about making sure that is so. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So we learn to feel guilty, and later that morphs into depression.

That doesn't mean guilt is necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes guilt can be a very positive motivator to bring about improvement. the determining factor in whether it is positive or negative is whether or not we believe we have power to change the situation. In fact, the essence of the message of Christ is that He is willing and able to help us gain, if we do not already have it, the power to change things for ourselves. And things we cannot  change He will change for us if we trust in him.

But back to our personal power. Some people seem to naturally believe they have power to change things and some don't. It doesn't matter why that is, or even how true it is. Just begin to discover in what ways we, ourselves, have power. When we believe we have no power we are ripe for depression. But every one of us has some power. If we can come to understand in what ways we have power we will gain ability to handle our depression.

At the times when I am struggling most with depression I usually find I have let myself feel that I have no power to change some major factor in my life. I'll begin to think, "Even if I change it momentarily, it won't stay changed. I'll just have to face the same challenge again later, and I don't want to have to do that."

Of course the trouble with that reasoning is that where there is life, there is motion. Living things do not remain the same in this world. A peach tree grows and as a result of that growth produces peaches. A rock doesn't change. You can't eat a rock.

The essence of life is change. So why not embrace change and decide to control this minute?  Take care of the next minute when it gets here. We can choose to feel good for this minute, and then maybe do something productive with that good feeling. Just set everything aside and feel good right now. You actually do have that much power. . . unless you are in a life threatening situation. And even then people usually find they have power to take some action.

Give yourself permission to feel good about something in your life or surroundings right now. Don't accept any negative or critical comment from someone else. Just chose not to believe them, and don't feel guilty if, in the next moment, you struggle again. Just go back and repeat this process then--just like a baby learning to walk. Feel good in this moment. Don't worry about the whole of life; just appreciate something in this moment.

That's Baby Steps.  -  A J

Step By Step

03/06/13 | by baby steps [mail] | Categories: baby_steps

Have you ever  watched a baby learning to walk? If you can remember that experience--we've all had it--trouble is, if you are like me you have no memory of that time and so the great lessons we learned there are lost to us. but if we watch carefully, we can re-learn what we discovered then.

When a baby first trys to walk, they spend great effort pulling themselves up to their feet, only to immediately fall down again. But do they give up and just sit there the rest of their life? No! they pull themselves up again. this time, or maybe the tenth time, they take a step before they fall down. Eight or ten falls later they are taking four steps before falling down. Do they get embarrssed and hide because everyone is laughing at them? Of course not! And, two months later they are running all over the house.

There are many valuable lessons we can learn from a baby to help us handle our depression. The first, most obvious is, "When we fall down (fall into depression) we get back up." It may seem obvious when somebody says it, but the fact that it truely does apply to handling our depression doesn't seem to jump out at us. Usually, that is because we have spent too many years "unlearning" such a simple truth that momentary failure is not a terminal disease. It only becomes fatal if we give up.

Think about that for a few days and then wel'll talk about some more lessons we can learn from a baby - AJ

Baby steps--Cause for rejoicing!

03/06/13 | by baby steps [mail] | Categories: baby_steps

We can accomplish anything if we just refuse to give up.  "Baby Steps" says it's always too soon to quit. In fact, the only way we can really fail is if we do quit. Just don't give up!

I'm just an "Average Joe" who had spent a lifetime learning, sometimes struggling, to deal with depression. I probably had at least three incidents that would be diagnosed as emotional breakdowns, but I was too poor to afford them so I just struggled on until I wandered into a better state. Finally, I learned a few things about consciously controlling that state. It doesn't mean I have all the answers, but I have some that have worked for me. In the coming posts, I'll try and share a few ideas with you. - A J

January 2022
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
 << <   > >>
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31          
I've spent my whole life learning to deal with depression. Now I want to share a few of the things I have found to work for me.



XML Feeds

powered by b2evolution free blog software

Depression Blogs - Depression Journals - Anxiety Blogs - Anxiety Journals - Depression Chat Rooms - Anxiety Chat Rooms

Copyright 2010 www.depression-blogs-chat-rooms.org All rights reserved.