Well today has been a roller coaster ride.  Nice Sunday morning with my hubby.  Got to sleep in and then he took us to Marie Callenders for breakfast.  Feeling a little guilty about the cost but it was just the two of us and Michael at least.  Mason was at a friends and Megan was working.  I ate way too much though so there is guilt with that also.  Came home and was sleepy and cold so I cuddled up with my pups and took a nap.  Found out Mason got a D on a history test so I took his phone and iPod now he is upset with me.  He should be upset with himself for not studying and I did tell him that.  Then Megan runs out of gas again so Michael and I go rescue her.  Another incident with Mason over blasting the radio and getting in my face.  He freaks out and punches a hole in the bathroom door and in the shower wall!  Great more repairs!  Then Megan and my hisband get in a knock down drag out fight over her not doing her only chore again for the third week in a row!  Ugh!  Now all is calm and everyone has made up. Whew!

My oldest son called back!  Even if it was only for a minute and he did say he just got his phone back. My ex took it from him, not sure why.  My husband came home and and wants to help me but I don't know how he can and  neither does he.  Husband does not like the idea of this blog but it helps me to get it of my chest.  Well I think it helps.

I woke up today and did not want to deal with anything.  I had an appointment at Positive Changes Hypnosis center but got a message to call about my overdue payments before going to my next appointment.  Well I do not have any money to pay them so I did not want to call and talk to them or go in and possibly get turned away for being behind on my payments.    Ian not sure when I will have a payment for them so I just did nothing.  I also had an appointment with a personal trainer and didn't want to go to that either.  I am feeling extremely fat and hopeless right now.  I realize that laying here doing nothing is not helping my weight or financial situation but I can't seem to find the motivation to even go take a shower.  Work isn't going well either, I didn't even have any appointments today so not going in wasn't a big deal.  That in its self is another reason for the depression today.  I feel that I am not very good at my job, hence  the no appointments.  I am a Hairstylist.  I have been doing this job since 1999 and I feel that I should have a larger clientele by now.  I have noticed a few clients missing lately that have most likely moved on to someone else.  I feel guilty for using my kids money to support us.  I feel guilty that my husband works so much.  I feel guilty for feeling guilty.  I feel guilty for not calling my oldest son more.  I feel guilty for my financial problems.  I feel fat and dirty and ugly and like I am not a good enough parent or wife or friend or daughter or sister or hairstylist.  The dirty part is the easiest to fix and doesn't happen that often but the rest...