BeautifulDisaster

I'm listening to Rod Thomas "Diamonds"  and it describes me perfectly. I'm sitting here crying. It's so hard. So hard. So hard to leave him but when I think about all the things he has said to me or how he treats me why not walk away. I wish I didn;t have feelings. I just want him to not treat me so bad. But sad to say this is the second round again together and I feel worse this time because I tried again and it still didn't work. He broke my heart once again. Why me, why me. Does God not love me? Why won't he heal me? Just make it stop hurting. I dont want to be this woman who grows old with a man that doesn;t care about me. I'm so lost, so lost. I feel like I could just use the noose and see where it takes me. Right now I just can;t take much more. But the records keeps playing and scratching me. I just want to die.