BeautifulDisaster

I have so much work to do but before beginning I decided to write. Well my life has taken a different turn as always. I'm currently in a relationship that does not fulfil me. He scares me, threathens me and at the end of the day thinks he has done nothing wrong. I guess my feeling hurt because I know he left his world to be with me. Yet instead he made me relive the nightmare he gave me before .Am I wrong for making him feel a tab bit of what he has done to me. I'm completely numb. No friends no one. I had someone that was close to me wanted to date me all of sudden decided that they got tired of waiting. It cursed me but at the same time I have to move on. My current BF I just can;t live this life anymore. Dating for so many years and still no proposal. But I need more than that anyways.  I need him to love me as much as I love him. Every once in a while he is nice and me being emotional think it;s okay and in my mind I know it will change. But I just want to be happy. I have to escape I have to run. I am not me, I dont; know who me is. Ahh woe is me.