BeautifulDisaster

I sit here at 11:00pm crying to myself and wondering why I feel the way I do. No matter how bad he treats me I still love him. It hurts so much to know that he really doesnt; care much for me I am only a convenience. He calls or leave messages every now and again professing is love but it never last. For once in a while at that moment skips a beat and then the next it gets all nevous inside because I know once again he will hurt me. I know I must leave but why does that have to be so hard for me. I should be so happy to go and yet I am not. I just want him to love me back. It is so hard to start over. I know once I leave this does not end the pain. I will be worst off because I never want to see him again but left with memories of good and bad. What to do? My time is running out.