BeautifulDisaster

Well I have been spending my time alone and well trying to do my school work and now work on the asvab test. Why does everything seem so hard for me. So things come with such ease for some people. I feel like I can;t get my school work together. I can't pass a military test. Just nothing. Everytime I get like this i want to be back with him. Why? Well I'm so use to negativity that he brings from the things he has done to me and it just eases the negativity I already have inside of me. I keep looking at these books and I just can;t focus. I want to be movitivated and successful but why can't I get there. I'm starting to feel so low. I have no one to talk to about it because everyone has their own problems. I'm lonely depressed and everything in between. I keep thinking bad things in my head that I want to do to myself. Positive is just not in my face right now. Being unemployed is making it ever worse. Having a job gave me some sort of purpose. What am I going to do? I know some ppl would say stop complaining but everyone deals with things differently.