BeautifulDisaster

Each day that passes I think I will be okay. I try to put things into perspective. Like what I'm going to do with myself and then I lose all focus. I know my relationship was so wrong on so many levels. But it was something. Now I have nothing. I'm so lonely depressed and everything in between. I feel worse that I left him. I'm getting so weak it;s like he is my drug. I mean I honestly know he will hurt me but part of me doesnt care because I just want him to be with me. I just want to have someone, he is all I know. It's so hard to date men now. At least I know what he is going to do. I miss him but what am I really missing. Just the thought of having someone there and for a second just feeling like he loves me when I know he really doesn;t. I have reached the lowest part of my life. I have no direction. Sitting at home each day really makes it worse. It;s feels like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I'm so in limbo Sad to say but his evil ways gave me something now I have nothing.  I know ppl say that time heals all wounds but they lie cuz they never say for how long. I may just get him all over again. It;s funny my B-day just passed and all i could think about was why hadn;t he asked me to marry him. 6.5 years no ring and i wasted all of my time. Now i'm getting older, fatter and uglier. No man will want me or at least treat me right. i feel so low.