Hello I'm going by the name Elizabeth. I would have used my real name but I'm goin to be very personal with this.

I've been suffering a platefull of issues, depression, anxiety, cutting,eating disorders and anger issues.

I hate what all these things have made me become, I lost alot. I lost friends, some family and almost lost the love of my life.. though he just cant seem to forget all the nasty things Ive said to him or done to myself... He says I'm too beautiful to be starving myself and hurting my body.. but all I see is a 120 pound waste of space.

& I'm not always like this, Im usually a funny warm hearted art talented and caring person.. but when I get in those moods (which seem to be often now) I'm a goddamn nightmare.  Its gotten to the point of my own mother snarling at me to check in somewhere yet she mocks my issues.  I'm tired of crying out for her to finally help me. I honestly think she wont realize what I needed until she finds me dead in the bath. I dont mean to get too touchy but its the only thing I imagine. I was supposed to get anti depressants FOUR months ago. I was going to pay and everything I just needed a fucking ride.

I dunno, thinking of all the shit Ive been going through since I was an adolescent really gets to me. not even a year ago I lost my best friend in a tragic accident.  I've gotten stronger but not a day goes by that I dont think of what she'd be up to now.

I guess Im just rambling about b-s and chain smoking b/c tonight has been one hell of a nightmare if I do say so myself. but Im trying so desperately to get the help I need. I dont wanna live this way anymore. I want to go out and be happy, I want to eat a meal and not beat myself up for it I want a trusting loving relationship without worrying or ending up heartbroken.

who knows... maybe I'll get what I want, but with the luck I'm having right now I'm better off a hermit on this fucking computer.

I apologize for my profanity and negativity.

much love - Elizabeth.