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Unspoken thoughts about and to my therapist

Cursor

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 24th, 2011 @ 02:43:01 pm , using 132 words, 1311 views
Posted in bewilderness

I'm staring at it blinking back
at me...

thinking about my past....

mistakes.
Depression, who me?

Heck no!

...ever since I was about 12 or so
and throwing rocks through windows
in a fit of temper!
can you say es-ca-late?
Anxiety: disorder, oh sweet
first of diagnoses
Doc, I mean, really?
Tell us something we don’t know.

Take two and call me in the morning,
but--
Go to hell, doctor, its not working(not really)(I mean. . . I can't tell.)
So. I'll try my own way, but its not working either
so okay
I’ll swallow your damn pills.

...and its been that way ever since
my first visit to the hospital.

Depression, who me?
Isn't it humbling to not even know
if I'm happy
or not?

I AM NOT DEPRESSED!
(okay maybe  a little)
..

....

..........ookay, maybe alot. God help me, I'm so confused!

Now I crave the numbness of the cursor.
Blinking, blinking

back

at

me.

Acceptance/Resignation

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 13th, 2011 @ 10:27:36 pm , using 74 words, 600 views
Posted in bewilderness

I have no words,
I'm dry.
I'm empty.
Trying hard to coalesce some meaning out from these fragments of life
Failing that, how about some happiness?
I feel powerless.
Even as I know I'm not. I have a choice. I've made up my mind.
Even as I wish I could choose again.
I cannot walk. How could I possibly fly?
I cradle, arms to knees,
and rocking slowly,
Wait for you to save me.

I have no words,
I'm dry.
I'm empty.
This time for real.

Dead limb arms

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 2nd, 2011 @ 11:43:46 pm , using 60 words, 542 views
Posted in bewilderness

No jolt of creativity passes through
Write! He says.
He is you.

A current of understanding tugs at my ankles
Don't fight the tide, he says,
Not the highs nor the lows.

But these dead limb arms
are crossed in defiance.
These two fat worms.

No inspiration takes hold,
I open and close my mouth
To retell what I'm told

I can't live like this, I said,
that is all I know.

As Time Goes By

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 29th, 2011 @ 01:00:40 am , using 59 words, 471 views
Posted in bewilderness

Is it bad that suddenly I can't tell
if you're a really good therapist
or just a really mean man?
Is what I feel I need
and what I really need
never
the same?
I trust you but you tell me that there are no easy answers.
And I feel as trapped as when I first came to see you,
as time goes by.

 

 

Moody

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 11th, 2011 @ 04:42:51 pm , using 16 words, 500 views
Posted in bewilderness

I'm oscillating
flipping between
shimmering hope and gloomy despair
rage and ecstacy
between overwhelmed and bored
like some wretched light switch

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