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Unspoken thoughts about and to my therapist

Acceptance/Resignation #2

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 14th, 2011 @ 12:41:55 pm , using 59 words, 366 views
Posted in bewilderness

It sticks beneath the folds of my fat as I slouch in my chair
It makes my head heavy and my shoulders taut
This thing people go such great lengths to hide
Sometimes uncalled for
Other times a matter of incompatible needs
Always painful to bear
My face contorted in a slight grimace
or drooping and
anyway
just like that I've forgotten
how it feels to be
rejected.

Cursor

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 24th, 2011 @ 02:43:01 pm , using 132 words, 1131 views
Posted in bewilderness

I'm staring at it blinking back
at me...

thinking about my past....

mistakes.
Depression, who me?

Heck no!

...ever since I was about 12 or so
and throwing rocks through windows
in a fit of temper!
can you say es-ca-late?
Anxiety: disorder, oh sweet
first of diagnoses
Doc, I mean, really?
Tell us something we don’t know.

Take two and call me in the morning,
but--
Go to hell, doctor, its not working(not really)(I mean. . . I can't tell.)
So. I'll try my own way, but its not working either
so okay
I’ll swallow your damn pills.

...and its been that way ever since
my first visit to the hospital.

Depression, who me?
Isn't it humbling to not even know
if I'm happy
or not?

I AM NOT DEPRESSED!
(okay maybe  a little)
..

....

..........ookay, maybe alot. God help me, I'm so confused!

Now I crave the numbness of the cursor.
Blinking, blinking

back

at

me.

Acceptance/Resignation

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 13th, 2011 @ 10:27:36 pm , using 74 words, 409 views
Posted in bewilderness

I have no words,
I'm dry.
I'm empty.
Trying hard to coalesce some meaning out from these fragments of life
Failing that, how about some happiness?
I feel powerless.
Even as I know I'm not. I have a choice. I've made up my mind.
Even as I wish I could choose again.
I cannot walk. How could I possibly fly?
I cradle, arms to knees,
and rocking slowly,
Wait for you to save me.

I have no words,
I'm dry.
I'm empty.
This time for real.

Dead limb arms

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 2nd, 2011 @ 11:43:46 pm , using 60 words, 372 views
Posted in bewilderness

No jolt of creativity passes through
Write! He says.
He is you.

A current of understanding tugs at my ankles
Don't fight the tide, he says,
Not the highs nor the lows.

But these dead limb arms
are crossed in defiance.
These two fat worms.

No inspiration takes hold,
I open and close my mouth
To retell what I'm told

I can't live like this, I said,
that is all I know.

The "Good" Split

Written by:bewilderness
Published on September 17th, 2011 @ 04:07:06 am , using 80 words, 294 views
Posted in bewilderness

27 July 2011

Every second I sat
shuddering, there
staring at absolutely nothing, absolutely anything
but your face.
Was a wasted moment of
"our time together."
But it was your fault
Your voice turns me into a rat in your maze
somehow I'm transfixed
I'll do anything
for the smallest crumb of cheese.
Why do I give you this power over me...
and trust you?
The sound of my name in your mouth is hypnotizing.
My heart flinches in its anticipation.
I'm standing on the edge,
strap a parachute on me and push.

 

 

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