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Unspoken thoughts about and to my therapist

As Time Goes By

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 29th, 2011 @ 01:00:40 am , using 59 words, 268 views
Posted in bewilderness

Is it bad that suddenly I can't tell
if you're a really good therapist
or just a really mean man?
Is what I feel I need
and what I really need
never
the same?
I trust you but you tell me that there are no easy answers.
And I feel as trapped as when I first came to see you,
as time goes by.

 

 

The "Good" Split

Written by:bewilderness
Published on September 17th, 2011 @ 04:07:06 am , using 80 words, 252 views
Posted in bewilderness

27 July 2011

Every second I sat
shuddering, there
staring at absolutely nothing, absolutely anything
but your face.
Was a wasted moment of
"our time together."
But it was your fault
Your voice turns me into a rat in your maze
somehow I'm transfixed
I'll do anything
for the smallest crumb of cheese.
Why do I give you this power over me...
and trust you?
The sound of my name in your mouth is hypnotizing.
My heart flinches in its anticipation.
I'm standing on the edge,
strap a parachute on me and push.

 

 

Abandoned

Written by:bewilderness
Published on January 19th, 2012 @ 03:40:48 am , using 163 words, 256 views
Posted in bewilderness

You cut me loose.
You left me out to dry.
Washed your hands of me.
Said goodbye.
And now its all so perfect, so convenient. 
Because you can always say that you left the door open.
Gave me a chance.
Its all such bullshit.
Such crap.
You gotta meet me halfway, you said, or its over. 
But you should know I don't do well with ultimatums
Am paralyzed by deadlines.
And now my head is spinning
While I watch opportunity after opportunity expire. 
Like coupons or credit cards. 
I watch old television shows and write bad poetry
Instead of trying to fabricate a resume out of barely-documentable failures.
I know this latest crisis was your idea, I know it because I remember you suggesting it.
Back before this most recent demonstration of my imcompetence.
I remember how you set the stage. How you shed it in that certain light. 
With so much riding on my performance, how could I not fail?
And somehow
In some sick, sick way
I'm reminded of sixth grade 
It still feels better to cry
Then to do a damn thing about it.

Nervous

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 3rd, 2011 @ 09:27:18 pm , using 63 words, 808 views
Posted in bewilderness

Its funny how they quake and shake
shattering any semblance of humanity.

What I don't understand is how fear and anger are both
the same and not, and what I don't understand
is how you can notice but not react
respond but not notice.
And I don't understand
how to fix what's wrong
without paying attention to it.

Its strange how they jump and jitter
disembodied souls connected
by their very disconnection.

Acceptance/Resignation

Written by:bewilderness
Published on August 13th, 2011 @ 10:27:36 pm , using 74 words, 373 views
Posted in bewilderness

I have no words,
I'm dry.
I'm empty.
Trying hard to coalesce some meaning out from these fragments of life
Failing that, how about some happiness?
I feel powerless.
Even as I know I'm not. I have a choice. I've made up my mind.
Even as I wish I could choose again.
I cannot walk. How could I possibly fly?
I cradle, arms to knees,
and rocking slowly,
Wait for you to save me.

I have no words,
I'm dry.
I'm empty.
This time for real.

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