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i was friends with some bad people but we feel out and i became a 'good' girl but now im back friends with them and we have been doing all sort of bad things like drugs, fighting and sex but the thing is i love it im addicted to the thrill ive tried being good again but i cant help it i need to be doing something and being the person i was before hasnt work, i crave everything about that life but its no good its effecting my school work my sleep/eating patten and my family my mum, brothers and sister wont talk to me because of my recent desisions but this is the time they need me the mos because my grandad just died but everyone deals with death in a differnt way and this is how im doing it but she has a problem with that and finds it nessiary to tell my siblings that im 'real' bad which im not i dont come home in states, bring people back or bring drugs into the house i havent talked to her in nearly 2 months so its not like im doing anything im not getting into shit loads of trouble at school but she makes out like im the bane of the devil to my brothers and sister so they message me all the time but they dont know the half of it she abuses me hits me all the time and drinks every weekend and come into my room insisting that someone is in here messes my room up every time then conplains cos its messy we and she tries hitting me so i hit back and she tell them she doesnt do anything.

ive never though of self harm cos frankly it makes me feel sick but i want my life over i see things a girl my age shouldnt but i just wanna go i dont feel happy, safe or cared for i have no one everyone i trusted has fucked me over i have nothing positive in my life and things just seem to be getting worse i see no way out i need help

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