Ok. Here I am. I am 45 years old and was married for over 17 years to the love of my life. Together we were functional drug addicts for nearly all of our time together. We had it all....I had a great career and made lots of money...we had houses and toys. No kids.

In Sept of 2009 I left him. Just walked out the door. We would never get sober together. A bankruptcy and foreclosure followed as well as the divorce. I have been clean since the day I left. Unfortunately I think my life ran better as an addict.

After a long career, I was laid off....which was to be followed by 2 more consecutive lay offs. This has been devastating to me. I have always been a hard worker....and dependable. I have been an even better worker as a sober person.... I was just laid off a week ago by an employer that I gave my heart to.

I am so disenchanted with humanity. I know the economy is horrible....nobody seems to have much of anything. It is no longer easy to find a decent job and I feel like nobody cares about anyone anymore.

It's hard for me because I won't ask for help. I have always been the rescuer...even when I was a druggie I helped others all the time. I think it actually gave me a purpose in life. My depression has over taken any energy I have to be the rescuer....and I have discovered that while I helped everyone, I have few real friends. I only hear from people when they need something.

I guess I am the one that needs help now....I don't know how to ask for it....or whom to ask. I need a sounding board....someone to talk to....someone to cheer me up i guess.

I am re-married to a great man who is not an addict and has come out of a depression that lasted about 6 years. Naturally, I rescued him and his life is turned around 100%. I am thankful he is in my life...but what I yearn for are girlfriends to talk to. Friends that don't see hanging out in bars as the only fun thing to do. I want someone to shop with....go see chick flicks....hang out. It's hard to find this when you are 45.