I think i have it. Well there's no doubt about it in my head really. I've researched it a lot and it is me down to a t.
You know today was an ok day. There's a guy who i have known since the start of uni last year and we have gotten to be really good friends. We still talk quite a lot even though i left uni at the beginning of the month (due to my depression). But he was always the one to be very enthusiastic towards me making the first move always talking/texting first and we started talking like all day every day. He told me he had feelings for me, but it was just friendship for me. he understood that and we still spoke all the time. however i started to feel something more for him and i hinted to him that i might feel something more but still didnt want a relationship. I guess i was scared really scared and because i felt i was such a mess i didnt want to bring anyone else into it. So i started telling him he was a good friend etc making it clear. I think he has got the hint now because he has started talking to me less and is a lot less enthusiastic and to tell you the truth i don't like it. I felt secure in the fact that he was always there and i didnt have to like him back because he would be there because he liked me so much. It sounds mean but i felt secure and comfortable to have someone there that i knew really liked me and would really do anything for me. And now i feel like i'm loosing that. I was never really that fussed whether he text me or spoke to me but i guess deep down i knew how he felt. Now i feel like it's him that is not fussed or bothered when i text him and i hate it. I know that it's not fair like im no one special so i can't expect him to be hanging on my every word any more when he more or less knows that i'm not interested. but in my irrational mind i feel he has done this on purpose. it feels like he has pursued me, made me like him and then fucked off. And although i say it's rational i don't know if it actually is or not. I don't know wheather my reactions to things are irrational or not. I have lost all sense of reality and it's driving me crazy. With regards to borderline personality disorder, i feel terrible right now about that guy, like recently he's been not bothering to text back and not making an effort to speak to me and its making me feel like shit. I feel like a 'normal' reaction would be like meh oh well its understandable hes busy etc but i feel like he isn't speaking to me because i am 'mad' too depressing or not like he thought i was. I feel like crap and him not texting me back makes me feel like shit like really really down and i know that must be an over reaction, to feel totally low because he didn't text me back. And the thing is i know if he text me being all nice etc then it would change and i would be happy. (i use the word happy loosely, or at least would make me momentarily happy). I just feel angry towards him it makes me wanna ignore him and treat him like shit coz i feel i have opened up to him and really got close to him and thats hard for me and now hes just no interested anymore. I just get so angry. Is it an over reaction or not? either way i just dont know how to deal with these things.