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loneliness

I believe I been a loner ever since I can remember. Yes I come from a huge huge family but I was raised alone away from my silbings. I never got a chance to know what it feels like to have your big brothers and sister fuzz over you.

I have lived and seen so much sadiness in my life from the age of 13, that was my first time on trying to take my life, it was to come again at age 17, I always said the third time will be the last. It's weird when you sit and think back God what was I thinking. I am greatful for living.

Living alone trying to raise my kids alone in a place with no gas, light in mid winter WOW. I made it threw and you begin to think hell you made it that far you can make it longer. Cancer at 24 and than again in my 30's, now to have leukemia along with dietabetes. I never so strong and so week at the same time. Depression follow me all my life in many different ways, but lately it has come to me and I can't shake it off.

Depression is the worst. Crying out of no where for no reason at all. Thoughts that go threw your mind and you can't control them.

Loneliness that feeling I feel each and everday. Telling no one how you feel cause you have been betrade so often that now you trust no one. O yea you good at helping others with their problems but you can't even help yourself with yours. Think positive you tell yourself, but how can you, you blame life and everyone in it for the way you came out. You hate yourself  more and more and without cause.

Depression and Loneliness go hand and hand in my life.

 

 

 

 

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