MY LIFE STORIES

This is my first blog , finally i find a place where i can have my life journey written on it. It will be a long n boring  journey ....

Am born in the yr of 1968 , I have a brother n sister n am the younger at home. My dad work oversea and my mum look after the 3 naughty kids all by herself  in SG. Mum was naggy when we r young , i hate to hear her talking about $$$ cos money not enough. I told myself , if happen am a mummy in future , i will not mention $ everyday n will not beat or cane my kids.

Dad will come back once a yr n will stay for 14days , we were very happy during the 14days cos the fridge will full of food n fruit. Whenever he back to work in other country, we will b sad cos mum will not cook good food for us , the main reason is $ not enough cos dad only send $ back every 4 or 5 months. Lucky we have a group of supportive relatives , especially my mum sister, they always give mum $ to maintain our need. I hate to see mum accept the $ from relatives, I do not know that we need $ to survive, just feel why mum always take from them as if she is a beggar. ( Now i know the reasons)

Brother was very playful when he was young . Whenever he feel bore, he will definitely force me to play hide n seek, i will get beaten if i reject him. My sis was selfish when she was young. She will occupy a room for herself n 3 of us will share another room unless dad is back to sg.

I hate Monday during my school day. My friends will tell me they had a wonderful weekend with their parent. They will ask me Y never hear me mention about my dad??? My answer to them were he work oversea. My dad stop coming back often when am 13yrs old...that the main reason i only know him less then a yr when he died at early 2011.

After my "O" level, i start looking for a full time job cause all i want is to find a job fast n help to lighten my mum burden cause brother was in University . Am very happy to get my first pay cheque and had given mum some monthly allowance.

During the few year of work and 7 years of dating , my husband had propose to me and we decide to get marry on 1993. As we were planning for the wedding, my mum had ask me to postphone a yr later cos my sister finally found her first love at age 28 after dating for only 6 months.....that really fast to settle down :D ( For chinese custom, the elderly do not allow 2 daughter to marry at the same year)

3 months before sis marry , mum got a stroke. We had inform dad about  mum condition, he came back within a week and keep mumbbling he need to work and lots of thing waiting for him to settle. Before he going back to the other country, he had instructed us to employ a maid n he will pay for it. We had not hear from him nor received any call from him after he went back to work. He called me on the eve of my wedding day that his passport had expired n cant come back in time!!!!!! What a great joke, he is a singaporean ,even if the passport going to expired , he still need to come back to SG to renew n not at that country.

We got married and all the well wishes Red packet ($), we gave it all to my parent in law cause my brother in law was having difficulty in his company. Now my mum and brother staying together . Both my sis and i will always pay our visit to mum during the off day.

After a month of married, my mum in law had call my husband that they do not have enough fund to buy milk for my neice and rice...... from then onward, my husband will always gave them 1k every month to maintain ( he only earn 1600 then) I took over all the responsible on our house maintainace and foot  all the bill payment.

I feel am the most happier women in the world. I became a housewife after given birth to the 2nd child. Always remind myself must take good care of my kids while my husband was away to work. Life getting better and my husband job getting more rewarding. I had forgotten about myself eventually. My hubby dun drink liquor nor go for any night entertainment. Lots of my friends envy me cos he always on the dot reach home .

Life changes after my husband be a guarantor for his friend. We got to fork out almost 100k for nothing. Lawyer letter came n we manage to settle all within 2yrs. Life was really hard during the 2yrs cos every month end, i thought i can save the $50 but thing  always happen unexpectedly.

Hard life over and new life begin. After being a stay home mummy for almost 4 yrs, i decided to start looking for a job so i can help save more fund for our future. I send my2 kids to child care centre and i try to look for job, unfortuately and happy to know am pregnant with my 3rd child.

Mother-in-law had admitted to hospital for major operation. I suggested to my hubby tat after she discharge from hospital , ask her to come over our place and stay so i can cook for her. MY sis-in-law do not know how to cook . I was 6months pregnant then.During the stay, she always laid on the bed . I would bring her food to the room and after her meal, she would call my son (3yrs old then) to bring the plate out for me to wash.

I got furious when my brother in law came with the family n she can stand up , walk around and take food n feed my niece n nephew... I know it all out of love.... after they went home, she again lay on the bed and aspect me to serve her as before!!!!!!!!!!

I got mad n always quarrel with my hubby about this in our room . Eventually, she walk around my house and change of my display and rearrange the  kitchen utensils . My husband is a filial piety son toward his parent, he will think am over react. On my side, i try my best to protect my kids and dun let my husband do any house chore after his work. Maybe am too protective toward them.

I sense my hubby behave adnormal when am 7months pregnant, he start come home abit later then normal. I told myself, maybe he dun want to be home early so that an excuse that he cant see what his mum is doing. He always home at 10pm for the  few weeks, i try question him and finally he admitted he had an affair with another women.

Am total lost, i do not know what to do, am pregnant and he got affair. Not fair to me. Why happen on me. I gave up my job and look after the kids with no complaints yet he got another women. Ask him when it happen, he just said she is his colleague. Omg, that not the reason. I got very upsad,my heart bleeding....i  told his mum about it. She scolded him and even cried. On the very next day, my mum in law came to me n said:" Some ppl are fated to have 2 wives"........... Am mad after she said tat to me. She trying to side her son. Am furious and scolded her.

Everyday n nite , i hide in the room n cry till it dried up. I do not know how to cook for my kids and in law. She start cooking for me and ask me to take care cos am pregnant . I only think of dying, there is a few occasion, i bring my 2 kids out. Am lost and want to bring them with me to other world, i feel cheated.I want him to regret. I had not complaint of tireness for looking after the kids n the family . I know my foetus is crying inside too, life really change. I called my sis and complaint to her, she was shock, lucky i have few friend keep calling me and check how am i. I dun dare to inform my mum cause she a stroke patient, scare she cant take it and collapse.

Everynite , i will question him . What had i done . After marriage, i did not complaint  nor stop him for helping his brother and parent due to their financial problem ... i went through the hard ship with him for this few yrs after his frd run away and he was a guarantor ... i tot hardship over and start having our saving. Men got $$ will spend on other women, i start spending n spending.......why must i help save and he spent on the women.

When am 38weeks for the check up, doctor check and said both my foetus and my heart beat were week, need to come back next day for a check again....during the nite, he talk to me calmly, ask me not to be angry with him and forgive him. He know he had done me wrong but it just the feeling he had on me no longer there. He feel he had found a new love. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ...what is he talking. He said he will only sort out the thing after the baby born. Am not his machine to produce kids. What is in his mind, am really maddddddddddd.......

Went for the heartbeat check, there is a improvement, atleast not so weak. Doctor was doing the normal scanning, from his expression, i know something is not right. Usually he only scan once and can give us the comment, but this time he had scanned 5times, he ask my hubby to come closer n look at the screen. He told my husband , i need to go for immediate delivery cause the ambilcore had go round my foetus neck . I cant have a natural birth as i had for the 2 elder kid, this time i need to go for immediate operation n take the baby out before it too late.

I can feel , my husband still care for me and the baby. Before i was sent to the operation room, he gave me a kiss and ask me not to worry, he will wait for me in the hospital. Had a nice sleep during the operation, i had a nice dream that we went out happily with the kids, playing so happily ...then i heard someone calling my name n ask me wake up :D Lucky my little girl is safe n sleeping soundly.

Am back home together with my little princess, during the confinement, my mum in law cook and wash every thing for me except i bath my little gal. I start having the post natal blue n depression, i went to the doctor few time with my weak heart. I feel am very weak, i hardly can breath, my heart was really death, my whole body seem to be floating in the air, I lost 10kg during the confinement.

He always told me she is a innocent girl although she was a divorcee....her hubby got an affair with women too... she admire n love my hubby cause he always go home on the dot and never go for nite entertainment, every month salary will hand over to me. She admire him because of all the above. Yes he was a good and caring husband before she come into the picture.

I recevied some annoymous call very frequently. Sometime i can hear a girl having very High sex tune....i will cry over after hang up, innocent gal will call me and disturb my life? She use other phone to call me, but never talk, i dial the number using another phone, i pass it to my husband and ask him to talk... she answered and heard my husband voice , she hang up quickly, I ask my husband . is it her voice? I told him i had afew caller from that nos , he just keep quiet.

Am a pretty gal when am younger, got lot of admirer and  i had 2 relation before my husband. They are handsome with good height n look, they had an affair with other gal while dating me. So i tell myself, dun go for handsome men anymore, cause alots of gal will go after them too, y made myself so miserable . I rejected a few due to their good look. Finally, my hubby came into my life , i choosen him because he the most ugly guy compare to those who woo me then, another main reason he dun go nite entertainment and the best thing is, he dun drink....Yeah finally i got someone that really love me so much. He will sent me home without fail after my work. All my colleague envy me that he so caring . But now , who can tell me or assure me that ugly  guy will not have an affair after marriage?

All my hope and trust  on him are all gone, i still continue to weep during the nite . He told me , he will not divorce cause he love the kids and me, just that he dun understand why he feel he in love again. He ask me to accept the gal n he will feel very bless if i accept her and invite her to stay with us....HAHAHA what a great joke...will anyone of you do that? My weight kept losing back to my abnormal, sis and brother saw me also feel the pain, lucky i got a group of friend try to pull me out n help me look for part time job.

I had kept asking myself, what had i done to deserve all this... i went through the hardship with him and when my bank figure growing , he had an affair... i start to dress myself up again cause all this year i had not buy any new cloth n do up my hair , just because i want to save for my kids education and a better life for our future.

We employ a maid to help look after the kids and i start looking out for a job , i always home late and he start going marketing. I love my kids but i just do not know how to love them as deep as before. I had given them my soul while am a housewife. I always think to be a good wife, i need to look after my kids well, guide them, cook them good food, keep the house clean n neat, will not let my hubby do any chores after a hard day work.... am i too naive or simple mind.... i dun ask much, i just want my kids to have a happy family.

I start having nite life with my friends, i went clubbing and of cause during the period of time, there are few guy treat me very well,they know am suffering  and they start falling in love with me, i try to avoid .... my husband done me wrong, they are innocent , lucky my mind is clear, i do not want to hurt anyone, i just want to forget and destress.I always went to temple and pray. Some told me that is life, some believe it just a test in our life, someone ask me......" what do u want to choose, a hubby who met an accident and bedridden  or a hubby that betray u and come back to u again?" I do not know how to answer.

 After about 1year, my husbband talk to me and tell me not to come home so late, am still needed in this family badly, he told me he had given up the relation and will come back home as usual. ask me for forgiveness. Both of us hug and cry together, i told him...i never expect high hope on him. i just want a simple and happy life with my family. I do not want my kids follow my path while am young. I can forgive him but i will not forget

Am happy my hubby come back to the family again. After the affair, his career had tremedous changes, from above 5k to only 2K or even lower... Lucky am  working  too but still not enough to maintain till end month. When am very stress on the bills, i will ask myself, why dun i give up during then so i can be single and save all the wages for myself. I do not have to worry on so many bills.....

I always feel thing will never be the same again but i still trying to save my marriage because i love my kids, i want them feel what is home...my husband had change n more involve in family activities, i know he trying  his best to be a good husband and father...i do not know what really happen to me,  a glass is break, no matter how you glue it, there still a scare and never be the same as origin.....i cant forget the past, i cant forget he had  hurt me during my prenancy. I always cry under my blanket while he is sleeping....God can you tell me, how to forget it. It been 10yrs and it seem happen yesterday.

I always have this thinking, was it because a guy is rich and gal will come to him automatically Or guy will come back to wife and family when he is poor? Eversince the thing happen, he will not stay in the job for long, all i can say he got no luck in all the company.....everytime the bills come, i will have to find a way out of it, am really tire, very very tired. 

I want my kids have all the best but i feel shame on it cause i cant provide them much. I really feel hurt very hurting, why i cant afford to buy thing that they want....why i always in debt which i dun really spent on myself. Sorry my dear kids.

Life is just a journey and how long can we travel together with our love one.

To be continue :D