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Feb.26, 11:54pm

About an hour ago, while reading, i felt an attack coming. I tried to dismiss it. But it just persisted until it surely  became a real anxiety attack.

I feel like crying and i dont know why. I thought i was already ok - except for those days i tried to overdose myself.

Ang hirap na nya. Nahihirapan na ako. Thats why hindi nawawala yung thoughts of dying. Para matapos na paghihirap.

Yun exactly sinabi ko noong nabalitaan ko  a couple of years ago na nagbigti yung neighbor namin. She has been depressed for so many years. Then she hang herself. Hindi na nya siguro nakayanan yung hirap.

Ano ba yung mahirap? Tanong mo. Ewan. Its not clear. Its just that the feeling on my chest is so heavy and it makes me cry. And now i write it down in the hope na makakatulong na naibuga ko ba ang nararamdaman ko.

I wanted to call my mom. Thinking that as my mom baka mapagaling nya ako. Parang noong bata ako na may sakit at inaalagaan ng mommy ko. Funny. Im so old na but i still want  my mom to make me well.

Can somebody out there help me? Please?

Doc, I already took 1/4 rivotril. Should i increase the dose? Why am i having these attacks again? I thought i was on the road to getting well na? I'm due to see you tom. If I dont make it its because it would not be safe for me to drive alone.

Nakaiyak na ako. Sana kumalma na ako.

Feb.27, 12:18am


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