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She's always a woman to me...

So since the last few days have been so good and such an improvement, I thought i'd try and delay taking my medication today - just to see if it really was that that was helping me. Verdict? It definitely is! I normally take them at 8am to give me time to sit, try not to spew and avoid fainting before I start the day. Today I waited until half past six and my god was that a mistake. I felt terrible all day. Low, alone, vulnerable, weak, teary - just dreadful really. Like I was back at square one essentially. The worst part was I truly thought I was getting there on my own, I mean sure the medication was helping, but it was ME who was the push force making my way through this. Turns out the real force is the meds. It just makes me feel a little deflated - plus I still feel really, really vulnerable and pathetic. I'm back to having some of the 'something bad is gonna happen, let's think worst case scenario about everything to be prepared' thinking too. I just want to get through this. I want my life back. I need my life back...I feel so alone at university sometimes. This 'illness' just makes me feel like an outsider and stops me from fully joining in stuff. I'm so jealous of some of my friends who are having the time of their lives at Uni -that was supposed to be me...

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