Reality BITES!!!
May 18th, 2010
Reality BITES!!!
Written by: depression overload
Published on May 18th, 2010 @ 01:51:10 pm , using 791 words, 484 views
Published on May 18th, 2010 @ 01:51:10 pm , using 791 words, 484 views
Posted in depression_overload
Well, here we are again. I started with a new therapist and new medicine, and was starting to get out and do things. I have been going to my youngest son's baseball games, helping the coaches by getting the kids ready to bat and making sure they have a helmet, their shoes are tied, and that they know how the pitcher is pitching.
I did that for the past 3yrs with "R" (fiance' - also youngest son's dad). We coached for 1st year (T-Ball) and "R" has been assistant head coach with another boys dad since then. I was always getting the boys ready & giving them tips....so I was referred to as the "Batting Coach". Then last year I wasn't feeling well and was pretty deep in my depression. I went to a few games, but I guess I kinda drifted off and started thinking it was better for me to stay home. I missed it so very much! And then this year....the weather (which affects my body greatly at times) kept me from going to most of the practices, but I started going again when the games started. Everyone there was happy to see me, and they all said that the boys were hitting better too. I started looking forward to going and seeing the boys & all the parents. We all have had our kids at the same school, and on the same baseball team....so we're kinda close.
I felt needed, appreciated, like I was missed, and I was having fun. But then reality stepped in on me yesterday. See...."R" wasn't keeping me in the loop about certain "Home" things. He felt I couldn't handle it....and since I was finally shaking off the darkness, being more social, leaving the house & actually having fun again...he was afraid he'd lose me again. But this time, I had to be present at court. We had to prove my disability, and prove that "R" was my "Caregiver" and the "Sole Supporter" for our finances. After 3 hours of all this crap in front of a judge, we were told that we had to have $10,000 by 5pm today to keep our house out of foreclosure. I knew right then & there we were screwed.
I'm estranged from my side of the family, and have been since my father's death in 1997.
I have 1 sister & 1 brother.....both adopted, but never treated as such while I was growing up. But after Dad died....out came the Demons!!! :O
Then I got real sick, had surgery, had my hip replaced to to a bone degeneration, and much more. My Mom was there for me, until my sister took charge. I'm unable to drive, which meant I couldn't take my Mom out anymore, or even just go to her house. NOW.... on my sister's days off, she's the one taking my Mom out. I tell ya, it's a Damn Lonely Feeling to know your own sister is so jealous, that at first chance she jumped in & diverted my Mother's attention away from me. My Mom is quite naive, and doesn't see things that way.....but it IS "That" way. (Some day I'll tell you the WHOLE Thing! You Will NOT believe it when you read it. You'll think you're reading a novel!)
So..........I know I have no one to help us on my side of the family. I know "R's" family had already been helping us....so it was a nasty taste of FEAR I had to swallow yesterday.
I'm beginning to wish I had never left my room, cleared away the clouds, and started to live again. I just want to go hide and tell myself that NONE of this is real. I have started being quiet, crying for no reason, and snapping at everyone.
"R" keeps telling me not to go away again, and "B" doesn't understand (but he is only 9yrs old), "N" (my 17yr old) still keeps fighting with everyone, and demands to be RIGHT all the time! (which does NOT help matters) But hey....he's a Big Spoonful of Reality for me to swallow.........and it's choking me!!!!
Last night about 2am, the reality of court hit me....We are LOSING our house!
OMG, what are we going to do???? Good Ole' President Obama and his new "Foreclosure Program" doesn't help until you are already IN foreclosure....and even then you must QUALIFY! So only those IN foreclosure, need apply. And once you finish your application, they have 90 days to either accept or deny you. Ummmmm, EXCUSE ME.....by then the Bank has already taken possession and may have already sent you a "Notice to Evict" the property....which they must give you a MINIMUM of 30 days notice. 30 DAYS??????? That's ALL????? Sorry...........I have to stop. I cannot see through the tears. BYE!
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