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In response to: Coming to the States for a white Christmas!

freckles_thoughts [Visitor]
hello hun
actually hun im nt from america i live in england so i havent got a clue wat the weather is like in new york for some reason my blog shows a different time have no idea why it does that lol. I hope you are okay and thanks for the feedback :)
PermalinkPermalink 12/07/10 @ 14:36

In response to: Coming to the States for a white Christmas!

aedorr01 [Member]
Yay!!! That is so exciting!! It will be very very cold in New York and Chicago and probably in the 70s in Florida! I'm excited for you!
PermalinkPermalink 12/06/10 @ 18:54

In response to: A bit of history.

drowning not waving [Member]
Thanks for your kind words here Audro.
They mean a lot..:)
PermalinkPermalink 12/06/10 @ 16:11

In response to: It aint all bad!

drowning not waving [Member]
Hi Amy,
Thanks for your comments, I'm very lucky to have my psychologist...she just keeps me centered....helps to keep it all in perspective for me.
How are you? and Mr H?
You haven't posted a blog for a while....does that means things are fine? :)
Nik xx
PermalinkPermalink 12/06/10 @ 16:07

In response to: It aint all bad!

Mrs H [Visitor]
Hey Nik! I say that one thing all the time - your illness does not define you. I believe that your charecter defines you. Your moral code. The person you are underneath all of the other diagnoses and anxiety and depression. The real you. Good doctor!

Glad to see you feeling better, hun. :)
PermalinkPermalink 12/06/10 @ 14:56

In response to: The space between the thoughts.

drowning not waving [Member]
Thanks for your comment Glynn..:)
It's nice to know that I'm in good company here....
Good luck.
DNW.
PermalinkPermalink 11/30/10 @ 23:08

In response to: The space between the thoughts.

midnightlamp [Member]
I'll give this a go, I can't switch my mind off either so anything is worth a shot :)
PermalinkPermalink 11/29/10 @ 06:21

In response to: The space between the thoughts.

drowning not waving [Member]
Hi Corina,
Thanks so much for your comment..:)
I admire you for being able to achieve this....it does take patience, something that I don't have a lot of! And I suppose depending on your mood or attitude at the time, feeling empty could make you feel worse whereas bliss might be a relief. I hope it was the latter for you..:)
Take care,
DNW :)
PermalinkPermalink 11/25/10 @ 22:00

In response to: The space between the thoughts.

corina [Member]
i used to be able to do that. its how i would get myself to fall asleep when i was younger, and it really takes a lot of work. i would always stare into the darkness and just breath in and out and not move, not think. it was just emptyness. and bliss.

goodluck! xx
PermalinkPermalink 11/25/10 @ 07:05

In response to: Anxiety and tic tacs.

drowning not waving [Member]
Hello Mrs H,
Thank-you for your lovely support.
I have a friend staying at the moment so it's a bit hard to find some time to myself where I can think and write..and read...I must read all your blogs though, sorry if I ask you things that you've already covered in them.
What is it with society? There seems to be the acceptable grieving period in a lot of people's books, I have found mostly that it's just six months. After that, people expect you to just "get on" with life.
Most of the time I think it is because "they" can't cope...I do understand that it is awfully hard to know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one but the pressure I have felt over the years to get over it and get on with it...has come from many people.
This is why I call myself selfish...I wish I could get past it all and focus on the good things in my life like my friends.
I'm very lucky, I do have a lot of good friends, I have put a lot of energy into my friendships (mostly out of fear of being alone), as I hardly see any of my family anymore.
The hardest part of living for me is feeling like I don't belong to anyone.
It cuts me to the core....everybody has somebody...
For years I have thought everyone loves somebody more than they love me!
I sound like a four year old and feel like it too a lot of the time....
Just that feeling of not belonging to anyone...
Every Christmas I think about who's turn it is for me to gate crash their festivities.
I haven't had a Christmas alone yet though so I've done pretty well.

I'm so glad you are spending some time with your husband.
Where do you live and where does he live?
Are you an American?
I live in Melbourne, Australia...born and bred here....:)
All for now Mrs H.
Drowning not waving...xx
PermalinkPermalink 11/23/10 @ 00:00

In response to: Anxiety and tic tacs.

Mrs H [Member]
I say, whatever gets you through, as long as it's not hurting you are anyone else, is worth it! Let's be honest... Tic Tacs are a great choice! I do gum, myself. I used to be overweight, lost it for the wedding, and chew gum endlessly to try and keep my mouth busy so I won't eat. I know it's not exactly the same, but I do understand substitution and getting your mind off things.

I understand anxiety. I have generalized anxiety disorder and hypochondria, and I suffered from depression in the past. My husband has social anxiety. I feel as if I know you as well.

Fortunately for me, I have been taking Paxil for three years, and it's completely abolished the hypochondria, and lessened my general anxiety to a great degree. The Depression has, luckily for me, stayed in the past.

I should also mention that when I had Depression, I also had a fear of leaving the house. As irrational as it was, and I knew it was, I could not stop it. I understand irrational fears as well.

You should not call yourself selfish for anything. You have been through a lot and deserve the time to mourn and make yourself better. We are all here for a reason, my friend. It is totally understandable why you feel that your home is heaven, as you said, but please know that if God truly wanted you there, he would have seen that it happened. It did not. You are still with us here for a reason. I'm sure your mother, sister and brother are up there, cheering you on, and telling you that although they miss you terribly, please do try and make the most of the life you have left in you.

As for being alone... it does sound like you have a rich social life with friends. Is that right? Sometimes soul mates come in different forms. I'm sure your mother was a soul mate to you, but do you believe that we are able to have more than one? I found my romantic/friendship soul mate in my husband, but I also had a good female friend years ago who I always considered one as well. Don't limit yourself to thinking that your only soul mate is gone. Open yourself up to more. More people. Just... MORE.

You are a survivor. Don't ever forget that. It is very big of you to see the luck and love in life after all you've been through, but who says you can't feel a bit sorry for yourself at the same time? Not me! I have had a lot of luck in my life, but also an ex who nearly destroyed me, drowning. I can't say I forgave and forgot, but I can say that I realized that HE was the delusional one and this helped me move on.

Anyway... I'm rambling. Sorry for that. Just remember that you are human too and any and all feelings that you have deserve to be validated, not pushed under the rug because you don't think you deserve to have them.

:-) Where are you from?
PermalinkPermalink 11/22/10 @ 08:57

In response to: A bit of history.

aedorr01 [Member]
I'm so sorry about your mom, sister, and brother. I hope you will get peace some day.
PermalinkPermalink 11/17/10 @ 21:44

In response to: First post.

aedorr01 [Member]
It's amazing how much I can relate to how you feel. Depression makes me feel like no one else in the world understands what I'm going through, but people on here do and it really helps to know that you're not alone. I didn't ever keep a diary or anything and hated writing assignments in high school, but writing on here really makes me feel better and I think it can help you too. Good luck :)
PermalinkPermalink 11/17/10 @ 21:41
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