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This is not the bottom

Had been in the shithole this past two weeks. Informed by AC that that most likely I will not be getting another contract for this fall due to the low enrollment. And, then TC told me the firm can't give me full time work. Knowing it is important for me to have full time income at this point and I have less options if I try to find another part time job to fit with what I do at NBBJ. I quit the job right away. Thinking that gives me the most chance of finding a full time job.

I don't think I could bear another moment of "document processing" or "data entry", it is killing my brain cell every single second. I can do more and I want to do more.

Still having a hard time processing how I got the nerve to quit right away, without anything lined up. Worst of all, how do I know I could trust TN to assign me a new job? The only lesson I learned this year is no body gets my back. If I want anything, I have to get it myself. I can not trust or rely on anyone's words. If I don't have anything to offer, don't expect anyone to give me anything.

This realization puts me in a severe state of panic. TN is not obgligated to assign me a job. I am back to square one. What am I going to do? There are couple options, and all seem to be extremely difficult to accomplish when I am in extreme fear and doubt. I worry that I can't substain my current living arrangement and that I will slump into depression and cannot afford therapy and medication.

I think, the best thing I could do now is to reassist my pirority.

1. Finish my design portfolio within reasonable amount of time - two weeks the most. Brush up on CAD and Revit.

2. Rework dissertation proposal. Write to Mike. Work on approaching the new committee.

3. Develop IDP points. AIA meetings, classes and volunteering. (Think about how much money you can spend now on professional development.)

4. Self-confidence development - Toastmaster, Social anxiety support group, Volunteering... ANYTHING that makes me that I can do something and is worthy.

5. Probably has to stop dating, but make friends. Think about what it means to make friends.


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