It’s extraordinary how quickly I can stress myself out - I miss-spelt extraordinary four times and almost gave up this blog all together. The expectations I place on myself and life in general makes others around me in particular my boyfriend laugh. I understand how unnecessary it all is and total bullocks all the pressures I place upon myself but until I say it aloud it’s life or death in my head. I’ve always been a perfectionist, and being diagnosed with depression has brought out the worst of it – if something doesn’t go according to plan, if I don’t get an 101% on my English exam or my nail chips I might as well be dead. The world for me is black and white – it’s either fine or dandy or I can’t see one beautiful thing the world has to offer. It’s hard to see the greys of life and just be content with where I’m at. I’ve always been very goal orientated and always kept journals or lists - lists of places I wanna’ go, people I wanna’ meet, food I wanna learn to cook, books I wanna’ read and etc. but sometimes those lists become a chore and it’s hard to separate pleasure and work. So I suppose where I’m going with this is I want to learn how to enjoy life – teach myself to be happy and make peace with my depression. First task is to stop reading this over and over and just post it