Still trying to make sense of it all. I have been depressed for a while. My dad died in February of 2011. He was my best buddy, and he just had a heart attack one day and he was gone. My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago, and my new girlfriend is amazing. But, she has so much history, and it scares me. I worry constantly. So much that I have trouble sleeping. I wonder why. She had a very busy 2012. She dated a lot of guys. A lot. And I know she wasn't exactly an angel. She slept with quite a few people. But, this was before she met me. Since she met me, I believe that she hasn't done anything with anyone but me. But, the sheer amount of stuff she did before me has me worrying. And there's the fact that her ex won't completely step out of the picture. It just has me on edge... constantly.

I'm not really sure why I am doing this. Maybe for therapy. Maybe because I have nobody to talk to. I dunno. Here's the bottom line of what I am dealing with. I'll elaborate tomorrow or another day. After a series of failures, I met the woman I finally fell head over heels in love with. She tells me she feels the same. But, I know that she still has feelings for an ex-boyfriend and the way she shows her love to me is weak in comparison to the way she showed him. I've asked her to marry me and she said yes and has told everyone how happy she is. On the surface, we appear to be the perfect couple. Yet, I am scared, worried, and sad that maybe she is marrying me because I am the best she can do, since the other guy rejected her. It is terrible feeling this way, and I am constantly melancholy. So, hence, here I am...