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Dayhat 1 of many a depression

Well after a weekend of sometimes forgetting to breathe because of anxiety, crying in the shower - great and dramatic place to do so, it is Monday.

My little 8 year old girl will be home from school in 10 minutes and though I love her to bits I am of course as we all know extremely uptight.

I worked out today that a lot of my internal pain cries out Please love me, tell me you love me, hold me.  This seems to come from a loss of confidence and a loss of some self love.  But in our defense doesnt a person in physical pain, cry out and call for help - please help me, so isnt it normal that we even more so can cry out, please help me, I need your love so badly right now.

Do I do this, not as overtly as the above, but certainly I ask my husband many times, do you love me?  Maybe I am really asking - am I lovable?

The answer is YES we are not only lovable, in my mind we are the most courageous people, we are the ones who silently go to work in extreme pain, we make dinners through exhausted tear filled eyes, we face the absolute lack of understanding of many and the judgement of others, we are brave so very very brave.

what was your victory today?

Mine - I got out of the house for a walk (didnt even brush my teeth in case I changed my mind)  and I wrapped some presents.  I also was able to let my husband go to work - and I lit the fire.  How about that for a bloody victory!

We are together, not alone.

Prayers for all of us


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