Hi, I don't have any diagnosis or a mood disorder that i know of but i'm currently on a waiting list for to see a counsoler to see where to go from there.

Most days i feel depressed, half the time it's for no reason and half the time it's because of little things that just build up. I think about suicide quite often but i know not to do it because it will affect my family and friends, plus there is lots of things for me to look forward to. I am very tempted by suicide and somtimes for no reason, for example one day i was at the park with my girlfriend at the time and my bestfriends, it was a nice day nothing bad had happened at all but for no reason i felt like i needed to get out and was getting tempted to throw myself infront of a car because there was a road near by. I used to get bullied but now i'm in a group of friends that i'm very happy with. apart from there is this girl who is one of my closest friends but i've been in love with her for more than a year now and we have been out before and now it's just really complicated. She drives me crazy sometimes and it's not her fault at all but I get depressed thinking about her but can't let it go. I self harm and twice i was going to commit suicide but changed my mind. My mood just changes for no reason, mainly in school from being so depressed to being so happy i could cry.

I have anxiety but it's quite minor. I feel anxious most the time in school but it's rare that i'll have a panic attack.

It's very hard to talk about this with family and friends, my parents and closest friends only know the basics. So i'm making a blog to hopefully get some advice, thank you if you give feedback.