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im new here this is me the real me

February 28th, 2010

i dont know what im hoping to achieve by writing on this but i never open up to people i know, i just put on a front as if everthing is alrite but reality is its not.

im 20, have three kids all under 2! its hard but the hardest is getting to grips with how much my life has changed! i find myself asking HOW DID I END UP HERE! i have a lovely fiance but i struggle to trust him iv been let down by every other man before and his ex doesnt help the situation by telling lies and trying to stir up a row wich makes me question him even though i know she is only jelous but still...and then everyday is just the same i go around in a big circle everyday get up look after the kids go to be thats it!! i bearly hear from my friends anymore never get invited any were im never out of the house and its hard because i used to always be out had loads of friends and was just loving being young i had a lovely figure did modeling but now im stretch marks and a tubby belly my hair fell out and still is ill b bald by the time its stops!! i used to have gorgeous long blonde hair a blonde bombshell i was called but not anymore i fell ugly sad and unwanted and parnoid because of it i feel like my boyfriend will leave me because lets face it theres nothing special bout me anymore! I DONT EVEN FEEL LIKE ME!! i dont laugh or joke and i used to be the funny one and got along with everyone now i just dont see th point in anything anymore!!

 

its so hard my lifee changed so much its like im a zombie just here to care for my kids will i ever get back to being me??? it scares me at the moment i dont see any way out of were i am now


 

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