Day One of my blog, which I  hope to get me back on some sort of path to sanity.

I am so down and depressed.  My life feels empty, drained of energy.  I can't remember the last time I was really happy.

Mom passed seven years ago and I miss her terribly.  Dad passed almost 5 years ago.  Watching both die was hard.  I watched Mom go myself.  Dad wasn't able to care for her as he could not take care of himself.  Dementia is cruel.  Mom and I never had a great relationship until her last few days.  She was the ruler of the house.  My brother was nowhere and liked it that way.  He distanced him self from the family when I was young so I always took the brunt of things.

Dad was a happy man, hard worker and, could meet someone he knew no matter where he travelled.  I took care of him.  Moved from my home when Mom called and said she was in the hospital.  Dad could not be left alone to care for himself.  Mom died within three weeks after I moved down.  Brother was no help whatsoever.  He came down, and we had to pay for him, when the Mom was in a coma and the doctor didn't think she would make it.  He went back home after a week.  The following week I called to tell him he needed to come back as she was dying. His exact words were "are you sure this time?"  He was always self centered.  Still is.   Mom was buried and he went back home.  I was left to care for Dad as Bro didn't care.  His reasoning was he couldn't leave his apartment for more than three days or he would be evicted.  He had been suing his landlord for 12 years.  He lives in his own world.

It has always been left up to me.

Dad has been gone for almost 5 years and I still cannot close the Estate because my brother in his own world fights everything.  He is still suing his former landlord, the moving company, his former boss.  He fights everything.  He is smart, but yet he isn't.  I again take the brunt of things.

In my present relationship its kind of the same.  I am the one working.  She gets SSI, has filed for disability, but, I am tired.  Tired again of taking on the brunt.  Yes, she cleans house, but is obsessive about things.  Not to say I am perfect, far from it.

I must stop here as I am tired and in need of sleep.  I will continue later. This will be a long blog and, long story.