... a depression and anxiety blog and chat room community.

Bookmark and Share

First Post

I have wanted to make one of these for a long time. It has always felt like I admitted defeat, which to me means I can't go on alone any more. It scares me because I know I can't talk about this in person, I rarely can. writing has always helped me get my feelings out. Here on a computer or with old fashioned pen and paper it has seemed safe to talk becasue they dont reject me like the world always seems to. I have been bullied and alienated all  my life by most of the people I have meet. The way other people act doesnt make sense to me. I rarely make any real friends and to be honest I have never tod anyone just how hurt and scared I am. I admit it I'm scared, even terrified. the world doesnt want me and I seem to belong no where. i have been dealing with the depression and the desire to end it all for as long as I my memory goes back, and I despise myself for it all the more. I see myself as a weak person who doesn't deserve the air they consume. I moved to a college across the country,hoping it would change my life.  I decided to stop drinking out of sarrow and even stop my drug ussage but I miss it. It was a comfortable blanket that portected me. I am scared I messed my life up already. On another note I have had to deal with this stuff long enough to know eventually I will feel better for a while. This up and down reminds me of the water torture where a person is held underwater for a while, then brought up for a little sweet taste of freedom and air. A release of the crushing sinking feeling that weights them down while they are underwater. A moment so beautiful it only crushes them more when they are shoved under again and again, ever time getting worse and worse as you slowly realise it doesnt end and the beauty of the moment of air loses its beauty because you realise it is only allowed so you can live to suffer more. I cried tonight, again it happens a lot but never out loud or when I am with people because that is weak. For those of you who decided to read this im sorry to burden you with this but I needed to get this off my chest if only for a few minutes. Thank you for reading.

Depression Blogs - Depression Journals - Anxiety Blogs - Anxiety Journals - Depression Chat Rooms - Anxiety Chat Rooms

Copyright 2010 www.depression-blogs-chat-rooms.org All rights reserved.