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March 23rd, 2010

 loosing feels like i want to end everything.  I can feel that my heart is bleeding to pain because of hiding what i really feel.  Want to cry until i can fall sleep, but still after i woke up, the reality is still there. The fact that im the one who give them problem, that makes them suffer is very hard for me!

                       I'm a mother  of three children, a bussinesswomen  just a few months ago, but because of wrong decision i lost it all. left us empty handed, and a lot of debt, don't know where to start and how to start. I have no one can talk to and asked even just a little advice.  everybody hates me and they actually saying to my face that they're  happy if I'm dead now. I'm suffering emotionally, but still pretending to be fine, for my husband not giving up and for my children. But I don't know how long I can pretend, how long i can keep it, how long i have to wait to solve this problem. Or even how long I will pretend that I stilll alive!!!!! If they could only read my mind that I also want to sleep now, rest, but this time dream d deepest dream. With white floating clouds, with a very solemn music no one heard before................................                                                     


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