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harsh reality....

i m new to blogging... dis is  my first post in a blogging site nd it represents my need to blog rather dan a past tym...i m not very sure how d responses r goin to be but i guess der r ppl out der who feel not understood nd all alone even if surrounded by everyone dey love...

well as far as i m concerned  i m sure nobody wil believe dat i m depressed or understand dat i m goin thru conflictin emotions nd wen i actually speak out i m heard differently nd my loved ones question my intentions rather dan tryin to understand wat i feel...all my life i hv been lonely in d sense i havent many frends nd my social interactions wer limited  due to d place i live in rather dan d ppl surrounding me....d country i live in doesnt really permit me go out for a walk, ride a bicycle or even play catch wid my frends widout a male company... ppl who lived in buildings in d country during my period in d 90's wud vouch for me...it doesnt mean dat i wasnt interested ....i was always a person 4 whom learnin new things wer a pleasure...who dreamed of playin freely as a child,run thru parks..chat wid frends..never get bored nd stuff lyk dat...but i hv always been suppressed not bcuz of my parents but cuz of d country nd financial status dat wasnt convienent to shift to compound wer women cn walk freely inside d walled community widout d blak cloak...nd run arnd swim in d swimmin pool nd small liberties lyk dat...nd no i  dnt belong to d religion dat stresses d need for d cloak so dat makes me feel even more repressed...so u can very well imagine wat continous inactivity wid gud food does to child..i have always been overweight not jus bcuz of my genes but also bcuz of lack of exercise...nd against d common scenario i dont overeat..i eat only wen required nd dat too in pretty limited amount for i m always scared of puttin on more weight...

but d five years dat i got to spend away from from dis luxurious prison(as i fondly call it), i saw lyf..freedom nd fell in luv wid it..i had literally grown wings nd made new frends nd enjoyed bein in college from over protective demanding parents...tho curse d mobile phones i used to get calls thruout d day requesting my werabouts wich i convienently ignored or lied to protect my freedom...i dint do nythin dat i wud b ashamed of or make my parents ashamed of ..i jus did wateva was rite enuf to not hurt my conscience lyk goin to movies, dinner nd al d usual stuff lyk dat...but unacceptable to my parents who dont believe dat i shud go out so often...but smhw i managed to do all dat widout directly bein caught and yes i did miss my parents nd i luv dem very much but i guess dey nevr understood my feelings or dat i was forced to b lonely wen i m wid dem nd not exactly by choice...nd dat i yearned for company nd socialising wich day cdnt provide in d country i live in..but jus for dem i neva complained openly...but now after d 5 years of freedom i m back in dis jail!!! nd i m here not by choice but by compulsion..emotional blackmail...wateva u call it...nd i m slippin into deadly depression....i hv pretty much summed up my scenario..i guess  d rest in my next blog post...i invite any comments or suggestions to help here or just to express ur opinions!!! thank u...

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