silently screaming

I ache and silently scream NO not again...  my mind is in turmoil, I have felt it coming slowly, stealthily

Its like a familiar blanket - only it suffocates and tangles me in it's folds..

I know what to do, I have done it before.

But in this moment I am trapped

I will lie here a little longer, in anguish, chest tight, skin feverish, muscles tense... and maybe it will last for a few hours, a few days or maybe it will slip away... maybe I will meditatate, maybe I will phone a doctor, maybe I will go for a walk, maybe I will just drag myself out of bed and carry on sludging through the mud. and just smile and pretend and silently scream...