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Confused

Why am I so depressed becuase of how someone else makes me feel?I have given everything I can in the past year to make her happy. Being with her kids is what she kept telling me would make her happy. She has moved out to be with them. Leaving me here alone. We haven't made love in months something I want everyday. I feel like she doesn't need me or want me in her life but she won't let me go. I am head over heals in love with her and I get nothing back. She says I am her best friend. I need more. I want to see her she has no desire to see me. At a drop of a dime she can make me cry, wound my soul. I get mean and say mean things to try to make her hurt like I hurt. How do you let go of someone your so much in love with? I can't take it anymore. I live everyday hoping something will change that she will miss me and want to see me even better want to hold me and kiss me. I am a lesbian that has been with women for the last 10 years. I thought she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. She sees us in eachothers lives forever just not the same way I do. I hate being sad I hate having no control over how she makes me feel. I am sick of not getting what I want. A year and this is what I get. I don't know what to do I don't know where to start. I get so angry I want to throw things and break things but I don't because I would be the one to pick up the mess and it would be breaking my own stuff. I always think of the worst things I am a very negative person when it comes to my own life. I give and give and give and get nothing back. I want to be the person that isn't bothered if she doesn't call. I don't want to be this passive aggressive person thinking it will make her upset. It doesn't phase her at all and in the end it upsets me even more. One day I will stop crying one day I will be ok. But until then what do I do?

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