Every morning I wake up feeling a heavy feeling on my chest then I start to think of all the stuff I haven't done that I know I should have. I feel like I'm putting myself into these situations because I'm not doing what I'm suppose to be doing, but I dont mean to its just the pressure and fun outta doing what I have to isnt there to make me want to do them anymore. Guess it really is my fault for putting my feelings first, rather then my responsibility's. I was suppose to apply for collages already, some of my friends already have acceptance letters to show there parents and me I have nothing to show. I'm just confused, I know what I want to do, but on the other hand I'm scared I wont be cut out for it. I just want a sign, lightning, or something to show me that I'm doing right and have nothing to worry about. Going about my days just thinking about how my Father tells me I'll never be anything but a housekeeper just like my Mother. Or how he doesn't even acknowledges me when I'm at his house hanging out with my baby sister. There is so much going throu my head in the morning when I'm asleep I'll wake up at 3 maybe 4 in the morning if I'm lucky and just lay there tossing and turning thinking about everything. Then beginning to cry because I feel like I'm worth nothing and passing out from exhaustion and pain from crying. Not really know if the day will get better or worse. Hoping and praying that these thought will get better as I try myself to do so. Some day I will be free and happy with what I choose to do, but for right now, I just cant help but stress and cry.

My name shall be Synderella for my Blog, if any of my friends or family members found out about this they would think I was looking for attention and my family would ground me for putting personal information about my life on the internet. All I'm looking for thou is for someone to help me understand why I have these feelings of being alone and not feeling loved even thou I know I am. My mother, my step father, my friends, and my family, they all love me and I know this but I still feel alone and unloved. Like every time I go to see them they put on a fake smile just to make me think they like me but in reality they dont. That's what goes on in my head when I'm with them, but in my heart I'm screaming at my thought saying "Your stupid they love you!". Is there anything I can do to make the voices in my head stop saying all these mean things about my family. Any help at all.....