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Mental suffocation

I keep on thinking. And thinking and thinking and thinking… And it makes it hard to relax, to sleep, to function in basic tasks and to get up and moving. It makes me feel very anxious, sad and angry. I feel as though I’m suffocating and I think that I am, mentally anyway. I’m thinking of financial issues, my past behaviours and actions, my current estrangement from my family (for good reason, I assure you), I’m worried about my health and well-being, I’m still having thoughts of jumping or simply dying or being injured (and wonder how much people would actually care or be upset with me being gone or hurt). I feel helpless and feel as though things are hopeless. I don’t want to die, but sometimes I feel as though things will never be different, like I can’t stop struggling and like I will never be content, mentally stable or a functional and functioning human being. I don’t even know what that is… It’s too soon to say if these medications are helping and it doesn’t help with me being very hopeful either. I don’t know if I ever will be okay and that makes me feel very badly.

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