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07.09.2012

I've never really done this before, the whole blog scenario then again i never thought i would be diagnoesd with depression. I was a typical teen, boys, shopping, good grades and im finally heading off to University my final dream come true but yet it seems that there is one thing letting me down that causes me hurt and thats my mum. Mums are always meant to be there for you, yet each time i look back at an event in my life which meant a lot to me I dont see her face, and id be lying if I said it didnt bother me, because it really did. Im on these stupid tablets which are making my life so much more complicated, im being "good" im not drinking alcohol, caffine or sugar, to help me sleep but how can i sleep when the pills are the ones awakening me because of the nightmares they bring. When i was young i would hide in the wardrobe with my teddies until the nightmare had gone but last night was completely unexpected, i havent had a nightmare in years, 6 years to be specific. I woke up all hot and sweaty, tears running down my eyes because i thought i had lost him, its causing so much stress in my relationship with my boyfriend, i dont mean to act the ways i do, i cant help it,.... i only wish i could.

Ive always suffered from Insomnia, for as long as i can remember but the truth is now im scared. Something happened today that scared me a lot, i was at the train station with my friend and she walked off, i turned around trying to look for her and then i stopped and thought "she wasnt with you, shes at home" and i paniced i really that i had been having hallucination of one of my friends...

Im not looking for an adviser or a friend even, i just wish i could find someone who could truley sympathise and understand how it feels to be so young and depressed.

If you wish to talk then add me on facebook; Jessica Dawn Pitman (ginge)

I cant see myself as depressed I think that is the hardest part, actually accepting it, but i just cant see it, i look in the mirror and im happy, i have an amazing life, friends who stick by me no matter what and a boyfirend who works all hours to make sure we can have a good time when we see each other. Doctors etc say im in denile but i dont think i am :/.

My days are on average ok days, i sleep apprx. 14 hours a day, wake up,  read a book, and then bath and read, get force fed by my gran if i havent eaten anything, just worried are people at uni going to judge me because i was only diagnosed a few weeks ago and personally and honestly I dont know what to think on my depression status?

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