well as you can all obviously appreciate nothing ever fucking works! took the pills, seemed a wee bit better, then everything falls apart again..... either im up she's down or im down shes down how the fuck am i supposed to help this family when everything i do is wrong, i go out of my way to support and provide for my kids and missus, i work as much as possible but get told im not allowed anymore work because she's down but then argue because we have no bloody money, spent out money so we can make hundreds of pounds profit pon my motorbike that i love n dont wanna sell, no one see's the big picture even when i have a buyer for 500 more than i spent.

i stress so much my hair literally falls out, i have compolsive habits, ticks you might say, my temper is worn shorter nd shorter over and over again and yet when i loose my temper because of something that warrents it yet again im in the wrong.

my partner suffers, i dont know whether its pnd ptsd sad depression bi-polar or what but she suffers. amd despite what i do soon as i dont do everything perfectly i get it in the neck, i love her more than life its self, she's the love of my life, the mother to my children and the stars and light in my darkness..... but it seems at times she also creates it her bad mood amplifies mine time and time again and im sick of it, i could never leave her i love her with all my heart but this just seems to destroy me at times :-(

so, first blog, gonna be real quick with it.
i've battled depression, anxiety and ptsd most of my life through one thing or another, i've self medicated with everything,  i've gone through countless prescribed medication, support groups, physciatry etc and just when i think im feeling better i fek it all up again and end up in square one once again .

i met the love of my life and soon after had a bad hit and run, ended up spending time in a wheelchair and re-evaluated my whole existence, i dropped most of my 'friends' and habits and settled down, i've since then had two b-e-a-utiful children who are my world alongside my better half.

i have my ups and downs, but recently its been more downs.... over the last three months a lot of things have been happening (all at once typically) and i just figured that was it, that was the reason i was down, snappy, uptight, aggressive...... and then when me and my better half fought (verbelly) i realised that though we were breaking up and it destroyed me inside..... that i was emotionally numb, these last few months i've felt nothing, wanted to do nothing, be nothing, in fact if i didnt have my better half and children there would be no reason being here!

so i have realised and come to terms with the fact that i needed to see the GP again, she immedietly put me back on several prescriptions which i have started today...... with hope they will help me and these blogs wont all be to much doom and gloom.

much love to you all, stay strong, you havent let this beat you yet...so keep fighting x