kellyrebecca

The feeling of death never goes away, when i fink it does it comes back to haunt me again,  it ruins my day. I think dyin wud be the esier option, i wont have to feel hurt or alone or unwanted. Living is the hardest thing ive ever had to do, or it feels that way at the moment. Sometimes  i wish i had my family to understand, but ever since thesaw me in hospital with a slashed up self harm arm, they looked ashamed of me, i just cant tlk to them about anything, it doesnt feel comfortable. I wouldnt be able to get words out anyway all i would do is cry endlessly. I feel like people will laugh if reading this and now y im like it. Its all becasue of an ex, of two years. I lived with him and he left me becasue he couldnt copewith my depression even though he had already for two years. I guess he needed someone normal. So he left me in the house, i remember watching shawshank redemption and cryin m eyes out on and off, i slept in that bed not letting it sink in, thinkin he wud change his mind. But he didnt. I became obsessed ad even now after nearly two years since the split i find myself a lil crazy and obssessed and jelous, he used to mail me sayin he wanted me bk but no it stoppe hes found sumone else again and doesnt want me, i feel heartbroken like the fist time. All i find myself doin now is waiting for him to mail me bk i wait all day for it. Its makin me reli ill. I know wht people are thinkin, to cut contact with him, i would give the same advise to sumone, but for sum reason i cnt listen to my own advise, and its drivin me insane.