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The Beginning

I guess the beginning started around 15 years old, at least from what i can remember I was popular in school very happy always surrounded by friends and family. I had a part time job at a country club which was awesome. I was the only girl so of corse i had plenty of attention. I had all guy friends being a little bit of a tom boy, riding bikes, playing football, climbing tress in the neighborhood. Right before summer vacation, my friends started to have girlfriends and not be around so much i guess from the caddiness between girls. I was the one these guys talked to about personal things or random thoughts we were a pack thoughout junior and now the begining of high school.

As with boys hormones they got into girls and slowly stoped calling lunch dates became a casual "HI" in the hallways. I started to feel really insecure and unloved like i was important enough anymore.

After a month or two. I was asked to play football after school in the near by park. I was thrilled! On the bus ride home I thought about how things were going to be back to normal again. They hadn't forgotten about me!

I told my dad that i would be at the park, he asked me to be home by 6 for dinner as i ran out the door. A few hours later (which felt like minutes) I hear my cell phone alarm going off from the benches. It was 6:15. I was late. i grabbed my stuff and ran home. As i walk into the door my father was pissed. Which was in my eyes stupid it was a friday night and usually I am creating havoc in the neighborhood with my friends. It just so happends the guys were going to go bowling later that evening.

After being late my dad grounded me and said i needed to be home. HOME ! on a friday night!? at 15 that is a teenagers worst nightmare. After being around my friends for the first time in months i now have to stay home on a friday night. I was so angry it wasnt fair. About an hour of loud music and texting the boys that i couldnt go and them being dissapointed i decided i was going to sneak out. My bathroom door leads to the back yard which i jumped the fence and had them waiting on the next block. I jump into the car with butterflys in my stomache knowing I was going to get to be in serious trouble later but certain i was going to have fun now.

A few hours later around 10pm my cell rings. The horrible gut feeling in my tummy knew it was him. I answered. As he continued to screamed and he told me to get my butt home, I said No. and Hung up the phone. That was the 1st time in my life i had ever stood up to my father. I was even more scared at that point. I asked "S" to take me home. I knew what was waiting for me. As we pulled out of the blowing alley I see my dad drive in. I continued to head home. At least I'd have a few minutes to prepare myself for the month of grounding or worse my cell phone being taken away. At 15 friends are your life and there your happiness.

I walk in the door to be confronted by my dads wife. ( she dosnt diserve the term step mother) As I walk to my room with her following, She says "why the hell did you disobey your father" I then reply with "because daddy wouldnt let me, so i went anyways" (keep in mind i told the truth.) I then entered my bedroom took off my shoes turned around and then the last thing i would ever think to happenn. Happened. I was smacked in the face. By someone who was not my flesh and blood. Never been punished by my own parents in that way ever in my life. The rest of that night was kind of a blurr. All I remember is sitting in the floor leaned up againt my bed crying in anger for not throwing her through the wall. The rest of the night is kind of blacked out. I dont remeber my father coming home or nothing.

1 of many to come. maybe this will help me see things diffrently. All these thoughts and anger I been holding on to for 10 years. comments are welcome


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